Confuzzledom

Just a place for me to gather my thoughts


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Back to reality

I really need to stop eating the sweets I got for Christmas. I had so much chocolate yesterday I’m surprised I wasn’t sick. I also had fruit pastilles, crisps and a twix. I am officially a pig. Maybe I should have put something about getting fit on the list of resolutions, cos at this rate I’m serious danger of becoming as big as a beached whale. Hmmm.

Anyway, I go back to work tomorrow. This shouldn’t really come as a shock to me. It has been pretty much inevitable since the day I finished for Christmas. I think my subconcious must have been shielding me from it or something. Then last night the barrier broke and I lay awake for hours dreading it, despite the fact that I still have today to mentally prepare myself.
In case you hadn’t guessed by now I don’t actually want to go back. I’m afraid that I’m going to have forgotten how to do everything, that I’ll make the same mistakes as last year. I know I should think positive, and I have been trying but the little man inside me head keeps screaming things like “remember when they told you you have no social competence” and “what are you going to do when you run out of work then? You never did figure that one out, did you?”. Ugh, shut up little man! Also, my internship is due to end on 31st January. That’s 18 working days (I just counted on the calendar). Right now I’m still torn between praying they offer me a real job after that so that I know I have a job to go to and hoping they don’t want me to stay because I’m not sure I’d be able to cope with working there for another year or two.  Obviously if they do offer me a job I get to decide whether to take it or not, but I’m not sure I have much choice really. I have to work somewhere and it’s not like I’m drowning in job offers.

Oh well, there’s no point in worrying about it now. My first assessed piece for uni is due in soon and I haven’t even started it yet.
Oh yes, and, for the second day in a row, it’s snowing! It almost never snows in Karlsruhe! Must get out there later and take some photos…

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