Home sweet home

Here I am again, back in my own little room. I never thought I’d actually be pleased to be back here, but today I am. I’ve been away all weekend, staying at my boyfriend’s flat.
it’s kind of nice being there, not having to share a shower with 8 other people, not having to watch TV in a kitchen that’s full of other people’s food smells. But… I just can’t feel welcome there. Partly it’s because he’s not really living there. Oh, he sleeps there most nights now, occasionally even watches TV in the living room, but I wouldn’t really call it living there. After all, he’s been there since March and he hasn’t even finished unpacking his stuff yet. The walls are still completely bare… no pictures or posters. It’s like he just happens to have a room there while the rest of the flat belongs to Maik, the guy he lives with. You’d think my boyfriend’s flat would be like a second home to me, but instead it just feels like I shouldn’t be there. I can almost hear the place mocking me. “You don’t belong here. He didn’t want to live with you. No, don’t leave your toothpaste in the bathroom. If you must have some here put it in Jan’s bedroom, don’t try and take over the rest of the flat…”

Pathetic? Yes. Paranoid? Ever so slightly. I never claimed to be perfect though, did I.

3 thoughts on “Home sweet home

  1. Aw… that’s so sad! I bet you ARE welcome to stay and leave your stuff there. I can’t believe that he did not want to live with you, I think it was mainly because noone really knew what you’d do after your job and everything… I am sure: If you had been completely sure to continue living in Germany, or well, Karlsruhe, for… let’s say, the next 4 years or so, he’d loved to live with you.

    And the other thing… guess that’s just typical Jan. My room in Marburg was perfectly decorated on my second day there. I am a perfectionist, sometimes. With things like that, at least.
    My advise: Be brave. Go into that bathroom and just put your toothbrush somewhere. Ha! Play Zorro. Put a big B onto the mirror or whereever. You ought to feel good there, it’s your right. You belong to him, so you also belong into that flat. More than Maik does. That’s what I think. B!

  2. I know I am welcome there, inside my head I know it, I’m just having a hard time feeling welcome there. Really, really silly, I know. It might help if I would spend more time there… or even if Jan would spend more time there.

    Back then he actually didn’t want to live with me. But then I didn’t want to live with him either. We hadn’t been back in the same country for long and it was a bit too soon, too much of a big (scary!) step. But now I think maybe I would like to live with him at some point, except he’s set it up so it’s not going to happen for a long looong time.
    But that’s a topic for another day…

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