Starting afresh

New year, new start. I’ve been saying those words at the beginning of January for years now. And every year all my good intentions last until about mid-March, then I find myself turning back into the same old me, returning to the same old routine of promising myself that I will make things better, right after I finish this game of Mai Jongg, and get to the end of that book and put this stack of old photos that I’ve just discovered into an album… Hopefully this year will be different.

So, resolutions. They have already been made, the boyfriend has been informed of them. Now all that remains is to set them down in black and white (well white on black really) in my blog. Because only once the whole world knows what I’m planning can it really be official, right? So…

Number 1. Last year I promised I was going to be a better girlfriend. It worked, for maybe a month. Then instead of moving on my relationship seemed to take a step backwards when Jan moved out. No, no. Not like that. We were never actually living together. Both of us just had rooms in the same student residence. Then Jan completed his degree,started working towards his doctorate and decided the time had come to get a flat. With a friend of his. He lated admitted that maybe, just maybe, asking me to move in with him might have been a better idea. But he also admitted later in the year that, although he loves me, I don’t make him happy and he’s not really sure what he wants. So this year’s resolution is to improve my relationship, to try to be a better girlfriend and to make my boyfriend happy. I also told Jan that if we’re still not going anywhere by this time next year, if he’s still not exactly happy with me but unwilling to make any decisions to imporve the situation I will go away and leave him alone, give him the chance to find someone who can make him happy. That is my most important resolution – to try for one more year to improve my relationship, and if I don’t succeed, to admit defeat.

Number 2 in the list of resolutions is to become better at work. I may not even have a job any more after this month. If that happens I’ll just have to try and improve myself at the next place, wherever that may be. This year I want to learn to work better in a team. I want to become emotionally intelligent, socially competent, organised, a good project manager. The kind of person bosses like to have working for them.

Resolution number 3 is to procrastinate less. To stop leaving my university assignments until the last minute. To actually do the reading that’s set for each week. I only have to keep this one up until the end of March when my last assignment for the year is due in. Surely even I can manage to stick to a resolution for 3 little months.

And finally, number 4 is to get out more. Between working full time and studying part time it’s pretty difficult to make room for a social life, plus I’m tired so much of the time that it seems easier to live my life virtually, via the blogosphere and facebook, but even I realise there’s more to life than this virtual reality, so this year I’m going to make more time to meet up with actual real live people, and not just on special occasions either.

So there we have it. Four resolutions. Now everyone please send lots of positive energy and willpower my way. I have a feeling I’m going to need it…


8 thoughts on “Starting afresh

  1. Wow! Go Team.
    My only one was to try to read some of the books that have been on my to read pile for the last four years…

    Yours are all grown up. good for you.

  2. Thanks sleepyjane.

    Katy – all grown up. Hmm, not sure I like the sound of that 😮
    I don’t need to make resolutions about reading books. I get through mine far too fast them complain that I have nothing to read!

  3. Dearest Bevchen
    Unlike Katy and Sleepyjane, I’m afraid your new year’s resolutions made me feel a little sad. Apart from number 4 perhaps – to which I respond “Go girlie!!”. And as such, I cannot send any energy which may support the others. Instead:
    In response to Number 1 (I simply can’t help myself.) If you are not a better enough girlfriend for Jan … please tell him to jump off a bridge whilst you pamper yourself, tell yourself how wonderful you are and simply be the perfect girlfriend you are … for someone else.
    Ditto your work bosses for Number 2
    Ditto that critical little bastard voice in your head in Number 3.
    I would suggest that you ditch all of them now and replace them with just one:
    I undertake to tell myself each morning, that I am wonderful and perfect and lovely in every way and who I am and how I am is absolutely good enough. Every day for the next three months I shall congratulate myself wholeheartedly for managing to study part-time whilst holding down a full-time job. And if I manage to fit in a bit of social life as well, I shall fall at my own feet in admiration of the amazing goddess that I am.
    (In case you’re wondering, my New Year’s Resolution was to be more honest and more me. So far so good then :-).)

  4. athomeandhappy – Thank you for that. It made me smile 🙂 Believe me, I am a far from perfect girlfriend, but I know we can’t go on like this forever. Hence the ultimatum… one more year. If it doesn’t work out I will leave him alone, even though losing him is the last thing I want. As for the boss thing… oh how I wish I could take your advice, but unless some long-lost rich relative dies within the next few weeks and leaves me a small fortune I need that job.

    J – he does make me happy. Every single day. If he didn’t make me happy there wouldn’t be a problem… I’d be long gone by now.

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