The world’s worst housewife tidies up

On Monday the boyfriend is returning from LA. Actually, he gets back tomorrow but really, really late and by the time he’s in Karlsruhe again it will be the early hours of Monday morning, so he’s going straight home (to his place I mean) and I won’t get to see him until after work on Monday. That’s the day after tomorrow. In roughly 60 hours he will be standing in my living room. So I decided I’d better tidy up a bit. Unfortunately, as we all know, I am the world’s worst housewife. Thus my version of tidying up looks something like this:

– Take the bin bag for things that can be recycled out of the bin. Wander round the flat with it looking for other recycleable rubbish that I’ve left lying around at various times because the bin was just sooo far away. Put on some shoes and head down the stairs (3 whole flights!). Place rubbish bag in the big bin outside. Check mailbox on the way back upstairs only to discover it’s empty. Sulk.

– Arrive back upstairs. Decide I deserve a cup of tea before continuing with the housework. Boil water in a pan (I seriously need to get me a kettle!), pour water over teabag in cup. Remember that I forgot to buy milk yesterday.. and the day before, and the day before that. Check fridge. Disover that old milk is still in date (just!). Use it to make tea.

– Take cup of tea and the remains of random lemon cake into the living room (this is known as “breakfast”). Check e-mails, mess around on facebook, read blogs. Do all of this while eating. Drop cake crumbs all over myself, the floor and the chair I’m sitting on. Yay! More mess to clean up.

– Go to the kitchen. Start running hot water into the sink. Return to the internet while I wait for the water to run. Head back to the kitchen where I manage to wash 2 whole dishes before getting bored and returning to the internet. Repeat every 5 minutes until the dishes are finally done.

– Locate new bin bag for the recycleable waste bin. Discover that the organic waste (ie. food) bin is also full (they take rubbish separation reeally seriously here!) Decide I can’t be bothered to go all the way back downstairs right now. Return to the internet and write this blog post.

– And now that the blog post is written I shall make a start on the floor. If I sweep all the crumbs into little piles now I might even manage to get the dustpan and brush out to remove the piles before I go out for lunch later… Wish me luck people!

5 thoughts on “The world’s worst housewife tidies up

  1. The good thing about being unmarried and unchildrened is that you CAN be messy, with abandon! I say have at it while you can. Screw cleaning up. Just wallow in your own filth.

  2. You and I share the same house cleaning routine. I have people coming to stay this weekend and have walked round the house looking at the mess and have decided that it is pointless to try and tidy it today as I’ll only have to do it again tomorrow. Reading blogs and avoiding work is so much more productive!

  3. Ali – unchildrened is the best word EVER! I am adding it to my active vocabulary immediately.

    Welsh Girl – Yes, and you can’t get concussion from reading blogs! Housework on the other hand is dangerous… as I am now aware.

  4. hehe, this is hilarious!
    unfortunately for me, i need to clean up good this week as we’re moving. i’m so worried as internet won’t be ready in the new house until 5 june, so i might be cleaning as well in the new house to pass time. ^-^

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