Well that was unexpected…

I found out yesterday that my ex-boyfriend is engaged, which kind of shocked me a bit. He’s not the first of my exes to get engaged, and he probably won’t be the last. But he’s probably the one I still care most about, despite the fact that he lives in America (he is American) and I’ve seen him once in the last six years… last September, at our five year year abroad reunion. I also met his then girlfriend (now finacee) then. Now don’t get me wrong – I am very, very happy for him, but when I first read the news… well, if I hadn’t already been sitting down I probably would have had to. And hearing this news has brought home to me how alone I am here. It would have been nice to be able to discuss this new development with someone. I told Jan about it, of course, but it’s not the kind of thing I can really talk about with him. So I’m feeling a little lost right now. nd confused… confused because I don’t know what it is I’m feeling. I’m not upset, and I’m certainly not jealous (before anybody suggests that!) but my happiness on their behalf is tinged with a little bit of… something. If anyone can make sense of this, then please explain it to me in the comments. Me, I’m just going to go to bed. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow (despite the fact that it’s Saturday), starting with having to be on the train at 8am. So much for my weekend lie in….

9 thoughts on “Well that was unexpected…

  1. Well the fact that he is getting married kinda ends all possibilities of you both getting back together. Perhaps your slightly down about that.It also could be that his marriage would be kinda like ending an era, or finally closing a chapter. Its never fun to realize that someone has completely moved on, and thats what his marriage means. Your not jealouse, or angry, I think this is just you accepting what will never be. This may be followed with the “what if” “why not” and the “what now” questions. But these questions will be answered and this feeling will pass in good time.;) Hopefully this helps put things in perspective.

  2. While I can’t give you any answers on what you’re feeling or why, I understand. I felt that way when I found out my ex was engaged (and expecting). I was already engaged and never, ever planning on getting back with him… So why did it bother me a little? Who knows?!

  3. Awwww – I’m sorry you’re feeling bummed out about this. I don’t know why we feel so weird when an ex gets engaged/married/whatevered, but we all do. Maybe it’s the final stage of mourning a dead relationship and is a tiny reminder of what we just might have had with that person? I don’t know, but I do hope you’re back to your old self very soon!

  4. I totally understand!
    While it’s not “why wasn’t I good enough?”…
    You look at your life now, realize that you’re way better off than you would have been if you were still with ex, it’s just… yeah, I know what you mean.
    And it doesn’t change when you get married.

    Same thing happens to me when I see my exs having kids.

  5. ensoleillement – anxious. Yes, maybe a bit of that. Not so muzch why her though. More “oh my God, he’s getting married. I’m not getting married. Will I ever get married?”

    savvy4u – Ending of an era! Yes!! It is a bit like that. Not that I would ever want to get back with him, but it’s almsot like it’s even more officially over now, if “even more official” is even possible…

    TaraSG – it’s good to know other people feel the same. At least I’m not totally weird 😉

    pinklea – thank you 🙂

    Stephanie – I’m glad you understand 🙂

    Amanda – “the heart isn’t ruled by logic”… well said!

  6. It might be a slight case of the heart wants what the heart can no longer have. It is the chase that is exciting, once you have what you wanted it loses some of the excitement. Letting it go was not a problem but suddenly when it becomes unavailable it becomes a bit more exciting again…..But what do I know, I’m happily in a relationship that is 24 years and counting….

  7. BlackLOG – no, no… I don’t want him. I’m perfectly happy where I am right now. I think maybe part of me thinks it might affect out friendship… like once he’s married he won’t talk to me as much anymore. Plus, he wasn’t meant to be the one to get married first 😉

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