How do you mark an event that will never happen?

Yorkshire Sculpture Park

Tomorrow I would have been 20 weeks pregnant. I was looking forward to it – the halfway point in my pregnancy. It felt like a real milestone. My next ultrasound was already booked for Monday and it would have been the first time Jan got to see our babies moving inside me, having missed the 12-week ultrasound. We would probably have found out at that ultrasound that we were having boys and started talking seriously about names.

Now tomorrow will just be another day. I’m no longer pregnant. I have no ultrasound to look forward to. It feels weird. I’m not sad, exactly. More feeling a little lost. What do you do when a day that would have been significant no longer actually means anything?

Jan has a concert in Bern, the same one that I went to on Sunday, so he’ll be out until late, leaving me with no plans. I might take part in photo an hour just to give me something else to think about. I have a feeling it’s going to be an odd kind of day.


8 thoughts on “How do you mark an event that will never happen?

  1. You will feel lost, but you can mark the day by doing something, it might help. My significant dates are marked by having pink roses in the house. I make a date with myself to go out and buy them, I use my favourite vase and pick a different spot in the house to display them. I often write a letter to my child, just writing whatever comes to mind. I find it really helps. But everyone is different and you might not want to think about it at all. The main thing is to be kind to yourself, allow yourself to do whatever it is you feel the need to do. There is no right or wrong way.
    I’ll be thinking of you and sending positive vibes your way.

  2. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Losing a baby was hard, losing two must be torture. I myself try to not focus on dates at all, as it really makes me sad. Also my best friend is on the same timeline I would have been, so I try to celebrate on behalf of her, rather than think of what could have been. But I know for some, marking dates is a way of healing. All I can say is surround yourself with people who love you during these times.

    1. Thank you. I am hoping as it gets further from when it happens the dates will be less significant. I couldn’t help but remember this one with it being so soon after it happened. The due date will be hard as well I think.

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