Nine months of Zyma

I say this every time, but I can’t believe I’m typing this. How has it been three months since my last Zyma update? It has flown by! I’m also very glad I decided to switch to quarterly updates because I would not have had time to post every month!

So… last time I said she had three bottom teeth and I was sure I saw signs of a third one on its way. That third bottom tooth never did manifest, but shortly before turning 7 months she started chewing her hands even more than usual and biting while feeding again (even though she had learned fairly quickly that biting means no milk). Everything I’ve read claims that teething-related fussiness for an individual tooth lasts about 8 days – 5 before the tooth erupts through the gum and then another 3. Well, it was eleven days of fussing, biting and complaining before I finally felt a top tooth poking through the gum. That tooth then turned out to be four, all at the top, so it was about a month and a half of an extremely whiny, bitey, fussy baby before the fourth one was through enough to stop bothering her. We had a break of about a week but now she’s back to biting me multiple times a day and whining whenever we’re in the flat and I’m not entertaining her, so I’m currently on watch for tooth number 7! (She also has a doctor’s appointment on Monday for her 9 month check up so I’ll find out then whether something other than teeth is bothering her.)

Despite teething woes this season is a lot of fun. While I miss newborn snuggles she’s so much more interactive now and I’m really enjoying seeing her personality emerge. Over the past few months she’s gone from the occasional giggle to full on laughs and she finds the most random things funny. For a while ripping paper was absolutely hilarious – she was so amused by me opening my birthday presents that I ended up tearing the wrapping paper into strips for her entertainment. I’m always trying to find new things to make her laugh because it’s such a joyful sound. She loves bubbles and seems to be starting to enjoy going on the baby swings at playgrounds (although I think it’s more the coming towards whoever’s pushing her and trying to grab their hair/face she likes than the swing itself). Her current favourite books are “Owl Babies” and “But Not the Hippopotamus”. Back when she was six months I wrote that she loved “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” but she doesn’t seem to find that one as amusing now.

For a while she was doing really well with eating and tried lots of different foods – purées only, we tried doing some baby led weaning but she absolutely refuses to put any “real” food in her mouth, except carrot puffs. Her favourites seem to be anything with pumpkin or sweet potato When we first offered plain yoghurt after her six month appointment she ate a little bit then she went off it completely for over a month – I had to mix it into her pumpkin. Last week, out of the blue, she started taking it again but only with puréed fruit mixed in. She will eat neither the yoghurt nor the fruit on its own! When the top four teeth started coming in she refused to eat any solids at all for about a week and currently we’re on day 5 of another food refusal. Two days ago she actually cried when I offered her pumpkin and potato, which she usually loves. I was hoping to stop breastfeeding after 1 year but unless things change quickly it’s looking like she’s still going to need breast milk for nutrition in 3 months time. Even on a good day she will only eat around 5-6 of her baby spoonfuls, and only if I time it exactly right between milk feeds in the afternoon. On a truly amazing day she will eat 1-2 spoons of breakfast but most days she refuses anything that isn’t breast milk before noon.

On 11th August, 5 days before she turned 8 months, she finally managed to roll from her back to her front – then proceeded to complain until I rescued her because she still hates tummy time and she couldn’t roll the other way. Then, on 25th August, she actually managed to roll back the other way after getting herself onto her front. Now if I lie her on her tummy she consistently manages to roll over onto her back, but going the other way she doesn’t always make it further than her side. Currently she only rolls in one direction and then back the way she came – meaning from her back she’ll roll towards her right side onto her stomach and then she’ll go to the right again to roll back – so she can’t use rolling to get to places yet, but I’m sure it will come soon enough. And every time she “rescues” herself from being on her tummy she looks so proud.

She is also sitting really well now. She still falls backwards when she gets distracted but she can play with a toy using both hands and still stay relatively stable.

Sitting – the cushion is there to provide a soft landing but it’s not supporting her in any way

She likes being out and about and watching other children – I finally managed to find a playgroup for babies her age (I actually found it ages ago but only recently realised people who aren’t members of the organisation that runs it can go and just pay a small fee per session) and we’ve been three times so far. She particularly seems to like looking at babies who are smaller than her. She really enjoys attention, but on her terms. She would love me to entertain her all day long but when people smile at her while we’re out she usually just glares at them. Recently one of the assistants at the local shop finally managed to get Zyma to smile for her and it made her day! Occasionally she will decide someone is worthy of a smile though, and her face just lights up. Usually the people she wants to smile at her are the ones who are ignoring her,s o she’ll sit there smiling away and making little noises until they notice her. When we’re indoors for too long she will eventually start whining so every afternoon I stick her in her pushchair and we go for a walk – to one of various nearby parks where I lay a picnic blanket on the ground and she usually has a play on the baby swings, into town where we stop at a café and she gets to play with the sugar packet from my coffee, or just to a supermarket (even food shopping is interesting when you’re a baby!). After a fairly hot summer it’s been mostly rainy recently and it’s cooled down a lot – autumn is definitely in the air – so I’m going to need to get her some little waterproofs so we can continue getting out and about. Obviously her pushchair has a rain cover but she doesn’t like to sit in there the whole time.

I am still tired but Zyma has started having one stretch of 5-6 consecutive hours of sleep most nights. Unfortunately it doesn’t help me much because during those hours I’m tidying up from the day, cooking and eating tea (Jan has been busy at work so on the days he’s in the office he’s mostly not home for food) and pumping so Jan can give her a bottle when she wakes for milk. After that first long stretch of sleep all bets are off – she could go straight back to sleep but be up three more times, refuse to go back to sleep for over an hour then sleep right through until morning, go back to sleep then wake up at 5 a.m. wanting to be up for the day (I refuse to get her out of bed before 6 so the end result is the two of us lying awake, me doing my best to keep her quiet for another hour so Jan can continue to sleep). Hopefully once she’s more interested in solids she’ll finally drop those middle of the night feeds and I’ll actually get an unbroken (if short) night’s sleep again!

At her last spina bifida check up she was put on medicine for her bladder, which means we now have to catheterise five times a day. She seems to be doing well on it and she does a reasonably good job of lying still (we have to administer the meds directly into the bladder via a catheter so she has to lie there for quite while). My current trick is singing either “I Went to the Animal Fair” or the chorus of “Agadoo”. I have no idea why she likes those particular songs but they always seem to calm her down!

These past three months have gone so fast and I’m just in awe of everything this tiny human can suddenly do (although I admit I was starting to wonder whether she would ever catch on with the rolling thing). Four teeth at once has not been the most fun and I can’t deny there are days that I find myself counting down the hours until bedtime, but seeing her little face light up when I walk in the room makes it all worth it and I honestly can’t imagine life without my little sidekick. She is my absolute world and I love her to bits – bitey teeth, scratchy finger nails and all!

What I read in August 2022

I almost only read two books in August because the second one took me so long to finish. But then I snuck in one more over the course of two evenings right at the end of the month.

Not a Happy Family by Shari Lapena. Brecken Hill in upstate New York is an expensive place to live. You have to be rich to have a house there… and Fred and Sheila Merton are certainly rich. But even all their money can’t protect them when a killer comes to call. After a fraught Easter dinner with their family, the Mertons are brutally murdered. Their three adult children are devastated, of course. Or are there? They each stand to inherit millions. They were never a happy family, thanks to their vindictive father and neglectful mother. Could one of the siblings is more disturbed than anyone knew? Did someone snap after that dreadful evening? Or did another person appear later that night with the worst of intentions? That must be what happened. After all, if one of the family were capable of something as gruesome as this, you’d know… wouldn’t you? I’ve wanted to read this book for a while so I was very pleased to spot it in a free public bookcase! Not a single character in this book is likeable – except maybe the nanny. All the Merton family are liars, and that’s just their good side! The result is a tangled web of suspicion with all manner of twists and turns. I can’t exactly say I figured out who the murderer was because I think I suspected every character at one point or another. One downside is that it gets a little repetitive as things are rehashed from different character’s points of view. I enjoyed the very end – the last line is utterly delightful. 4 stars.

A Jigsaw of Fire and Stars by Yaba Badoe. Fourteen-year-old Sante isn’t sure where she comes from. She was just a baby when she was washed ashore in a sea-chest laden with treasures. Mama Rose, leader of a nomadic group of misfits and gypsies, found and raised Sante, alongside twins, knife-thrower Cat and snake-charmer Cobra. They travel around contemporary southern Europe, living off-grid and performing circus tricks for money.During a performance in Cadiz, Sante recognises two men from a recurring dream she has about the shipwreck. They’ve come for her treasure, but they also have secrets to reveal about Sante’s past. After Sante and Cat rescue a beautiful red-head named Scarlett from a gang, Mama Rose’s band are forced to flee the city, but Sante and Cobra stay behind, determined to find out more about who Sante really is. some reason I thought this was a children’s book but it’s very definitely YA featuring themes of sex trafficking among others! I really enjoyed parts of the plot. I loved Sante and her golden eagle Priss. But it felt like the author was trying to fit in too many different themes: Sante’s search for her identity, magical realism elements, refugees, sex trafficking, all the circus characters, so it unfortunately ended up being confusing and a lot of the side characters seemed flat. 3 stars.

The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X. R. Pan. When Leigh’s mother dies by suicide she leaves behind a scribbled note – I want you to remember. Remember what? Leigh has no idea. She wishes she could turn to her best friend, Axel, for advice. If only she hadn’t kissed him and messed everything up between them. The Leigh, who is half Asian and half white, discovers she has grandparents she’s never met and travels to Taiwan to meet them for the first time. There, she retreats into art and memories, ending up chasing after ghosts, uncovering family secrets, and ultimately forging a new relationship with her grandparents. I really enjoyed this book. The writing is excellent, although the style is definitely not for everyone (I enjoyed it though) and I can’t believe it’s a debut! I really enjoyed the insights into Taiwanese culture and Leigh is a fantastic character. It is a fast read but there seemed to be a lot going on and it almost felt like the main grief plot was being sidelined at times with high school drama (told in flashbacks). Leigh seems to have some form of synaesthesia and while the colour metaphors were interesting at times it was too much. I didn’t need to know the colour of every single word Leigh’s best friend/love interest uttered! That makes it sound like I didn’t enjoy the book but I actually very much did. There is a magical realism element that probably won’t appeal to everyone but it didn’t bother me at all. 4 stars.

Total books read: 3. Books by BAME/BIPOC authors: 2 (hooray, finally more than zero).

So far this month I’ve mostly been cross stitching but I’ve already managed a couple of books and I’m hoping to get through at least two more.

Cross stitching – first half of 2022

I haven’t been able to cross stitch as much as usual this year, but amazingly I did manage to get a few birthday cards out. My friend’s daughter who turned two in April had to make do with a card from Moonpig but I have managed to stitch and send out a total of 6 cards so far this year! This post will feature three of them for birthdays up to July – there should have been a fourth but I apparently didn’t take a photo of it (and now I’m questioning whether I actually stitched it at all. I’m sure I sent one to my friend’s son but I have absolutely no memory of what I actually stitched…).

Card number one was for my grandma. Her birthday is in January but the image I chose feels very autumny. I just thought it was cute, okay?

Next is a friend’s daughter, who turned 2 in June. I chose a cat for her. It’s quite pink!

Finally, another friend’s son turned 1 on 1st July. I love this panda bearing a gift! I’ve previously stitched another panda from the same set – that one was holding a cake.

I have just posted my brother’s card for his 16th birthday on 1st September and am working on the next birthday card. After that it will be time to start turning my attention to Christmas. This year is going way too fast!

What I read in June & July 2022

The ending of the Show Us Your Books link up meant I completely forgot to review the books I read in June. Luckily there were only two – followed by five in July – so I can just shove two months into one post.

The Hidden Cottage by Erica James. Mia Channing seems to have the perfect life. A beautiful home, a happy marriage, a job she loves and three grown-up children to whom she’s devoted. But appearances can be deceptive. When the family gathers for her son’s 30th birthday, he brings with him his latest girlfriend who, they are surprised to learn, has a nine-year-old daughter. Then, before the birthday cake has even been cut, Mia’s youngest daughter Daisy seizes the opportunity to drop a bombshell. It’s an evening that marks a turning point in all their lives, when old resentments and regrets surface and the carefully ordered world Mia has created begins to unravel. This was fine. Kind of predictable and the writing style annoyed me at times but it was a fairly easy read for its length. I loved nine-year-old Madison but found some of the other characters a bit underdeveloped. I think there were too many of them. 2.5 stars. Also, is it just me or does The Hidden Cottage sound like the title of a Famous Five book?

The Cactus by Sarah Haywood. For Susan Green, messy emotions simply don’t fit into the equation of her perfectly ordered life. She is in complete control at all times, with a flat that is ideal for one, a job that suits her passion for logic, and an “interpersonal arrangement” that provides cultural and other, more intimate, benefits. But suddenly confronted with the loss of her mother and the news that she is about to become a mother herself, Susan’s greatest fear is realised. She is losing control. When she learns that her mother’s will inexplicably favours her immature and irresponsible brother, Edward, Susan is determined that she must do something about it. But as her due date draws near and her family problems become increasingly difficult to ignore, Susan finds help and self-discovery in the most unlikely of places. I actually kind of liked the story in this book and wanted to know what happened at the end, but the main character completely ruined it for me. I assume she’s supposed to be a damaged person who struggles to connect with “normal” people a la Eleanor Oliphant but actually she’s insufferable and honestly just plain mean. Unlike Eleanor it felt like she knew perfectly well she was being mean no matter how much she tried to pass it off as being direct/honest. The romance is ridiculous – it goes from barely even friends to “I’m totally in love with you and want to help you raise your baby” in about 2 pages. I actually liked Rob as a character, just the romance made no sense! 2.5 stars.

So, that was June. A slightly disappointing month… And zero out of two books were by BIPOC/BAME authors. On to July…

Magpie Lane by Lucy Atkins. When the eight-year-old daughter of an Oxford College Master vanishes in the middle of the night, police turn to the Scottish nanny, Dee, for answers. As Dee looks back over her time in the Master’s Lodging – an eerie and ancient house – a picture of a high achieving but dysfunctional family emerges: Nick, the fiercely intelligent and powerful father; his beautiful Danish wife Mariah, pregnant with their child; and the lost little girl, Felicity, almost mute, seeing ghosts, still grieving her dead mother. But is Dee telling the whole story? Is her growing friendship with the eccentric house historian, Linklater, any cause for concern? And most of all, why was Felicity silent? Some things didn’t make sense and I found the ending predictable but overall I really enjoyed this book. It’s very suspenseful. I especially liked the character of Linklater and the descriptions of Oxford’s old cemeteries. 4 stars.

Solutions and Other Problems by Allie Brosh. Do I really need to write a synopsis for this one? Does anyone not know what it is? Allie Brosh’s second graphic novel in which she again tells stores from her own life including tales from her childhood, the adventures of her very bad animals and merciless dissection of her own character flaws. She also talks about the awful experiences that resulted in this book being delayed for so long. I found parts of the book hilarious – especially the stories about her childhood – while others were heart breaking. It seems so unfair that so many bad things have happened to one person while others seem to live a completely charmed life. Not all the stories resonated with me and I didn’t love it as much as Hyperbole and a Half but I still really, really liked it. 4 stars.

City of the Lost by Kelly Armstong (Rockton #1). Casey Duncan is a homicide detective with a secret: when she was in college, she killed a man. She was never caught, but he was the grandson of a mobster and she knows that someday her crime will catch up to her. Casey’s best friend, Diana, is on the run from a violent, abusive ex-husband. When Diana’s husband finds her, and Casey herself is attacked shortly after, Casey knows it’s time for the two of them to disappear again. Diana has heard of a town especially for people like her, a town that takes in people on the run who want to shed their old lives. You must apply to live in Rockton, and if you’re accepted it means walking away from your old life entirely, and living off the grid in the wilds of Canada. No cell phones, no Internet, no mail, no computers, very little electricity, and no way of getting in or out without the town council’s approval. As a murderer, Casey isn’t a good candidate, but she has something they want: She’s a homicide detective, and Rockton has just had its first real murder. She and Diana are in. However, soon after arriving, Casey realises that the identity of a murderer isn’t the only secret Rockton is hiding… and she starts to wonder if she and Diana might actually be in even more danger in Rockton than they were in their old lives. This is a very different kind of police procedural – the setting alone changes things and makes for a very suspenseful atmosphere. And there were at least two twists that I was not expecting. I will definitely be continuing this series. 4 stars.

The Cat Who Saved Books by Sōsuke Natsukawa. Rintaro Natsuki loves Natsuki Books, his grandfather’s tiny second-hand bookshop on the edge of town. It’s the perfect refuge for a teenage boy who tends to be somewhat of a recluse. When his grandfather dies suddenly, Rintaro is left devastated and alone. It seems he will have to close the shop. Then, a talking tabby cat called Tiger appears and asks Rintaro for help. The cat needs a book lover to embark on three magical adventures to save books from people have imprisoned, mistreated and betrayed them. Finally, there is one last rescue that Rintaro must attempt alone… This is definitely one for book lovers! It’s very quotable and reads almost like a love letter to the power of books/reading. It’s utterly bizarre in the way only Japanese fiction can be and I feel like I didn’t understand all of it but I did enjoy it. It’s also a very quick read – I finished the entire thing in one day, during two of my daughter’s naps. 4 stars,

The Atrocity Archives by Charles Stross (The Laundry Files #1). Bob Howard is a low-level techie working for a super-secret government agency. While his colleagues are out saving the world, Bob’s under a desk restoring lost data. His world was dull and safe – but then he went and got Noticed. Now, Bob is up to his neck in spycraft, parallel universes, dimension-hopping terrorists, monstrous elder gods and the end of the world. Only one thing is certain: it will take more than a full system reboot to sort this mess out… This book is based on the premise that “magic” and parallel universes, demons, etc. exist in our world, but it’s not actually magic… it’s all based on maths and computing. I did actually mostly enjoy the storyk, but the unfortunately the maths parts went completely over my head, which meant it took me ages to finish and spoiled it a bit for me. I would never have bought this book (it was a gift years ago) and don’t intend to continue the series, but it’s not actually bad. Just really not right for me! 3 stars.

In July I read 5 books, one of which was by a BAME/BIPOC author.

We’re now over a week into August and I’ve yet to finish a single book, so we’ll see whether it’s even necessary for me to try and remember to post next month! In the meantime let me know if you’ve read anything good recently.

December 2021 recap

It seems almost silly to be writing this post at this point, but I’ve made it this far so for the sake of completeness we might as well do it.

So, December started with lots of early morning activity as my roommate had started bleeding again. After the previous episode she had been told one more bleed and they would be performing her C-section, so that’s exactly what happened. I think he baby was just shy of 34 weeks at that point, so not ideal but not too bad. She came to visit me 2 days later to let me know everything had gone well and her daughter was doing fine, although would be in hospital for a while.

I spent a couple of days alone – in a room meant for 3 and then got two new roommates at once. One was only there for a single night – the next day she hit 37 weeks and went off for her scheduled C-section. The other woman who was from (I think) Somalia was due to have a C-section at 37 weeks on 27th December. She had somehow misunderstood though and kept telling me she was having hers the day after me, on the 17th. She was so upset when the doctor explained that no, that would be far too early, and her baby needed to stay in until the 27th. She had two other young children and she told me they called every night crying because they wanted mama to come home.

My final two weeks leading up to the birth were relatively uneventful. Someone else came in who was also having foetal surgery for spina bifida and I was able to talk to her a bit about what to expect. I saw her again after Zyma was born and she was already up and walking around within a couple of days… and off the IV meds after a week! Of all the others I met who’d had the operation I think she bounced back the fastest.

Finally, 16th December came around. We had actually made it to precisely 37 weeks as planned! I was first on the list for the C-section that morning, so barring emergencies I would be in surgery at 7 a.m.! As it turned out there was an emergency, so Zyma was born at 8:01 a.m. on 16th December 2021. We had been warned before hand that the immediate crying after birth is just a movie cliché, but the very first thing Zyma did was let out a wail just to let me know she was there. Jan stood to watch her being taken out and told me the surgeon immediately tickled her feet to see whether she would react… which she did. Z was then taken away to a side room while I was sewn back up – it took a little longer because they discovered a weak point on the incision from the foetal surgery so they repaired that while they were in there. Unfortunately Zyma couldn’t be brought to me because she was having trouble breathing by herself so Jan went with her to the neonatology unit while I was taken back to the room on the labour and delivery ward and immediately attached to a milk pump. At some point Jan came back and I as taken to see Zyma still in my bed. It was a surreal moment. She was on oxygen so I couldn’t hold her – just put out a finger and stroke her. I couldn’t believe that tiny little human was mine! The bed and I then travelled back up to the ward I had been on previously. The post-natal ward is actually one floor higher but so many babies had been born around that time that people were being put on the pre-natal ward instead! It was nice for me because it meant I was back with the same familiar nurses/midwives who had been looking after me for the previous 5 weeks (plus my other two stays). After the numbness from the epidural wore off I was given a morphine injection for the pain which made me throw up my lunch! Thankfully by the day after the C-section I didn’t need morphine any more, just the oral painkillers they gave me. In the late afternoon Jan came and took me down to the neonatal ward in a wheelchair and I was able to spend a couple of hours with Zyma. I also tried to pump while I was down there. I was encouraged to pump every 2-3 hours during the day and 4 hours overnight. It took a few tries for my milk to come in – I remember being overjoyed when I actually produced enough to suck up into a syringe. We’re literally talking a few millilitres here… meanwhile the woman in the next bed was filling two entire bottles at a time and being told to avoid breastfeeding tea! So Zyma started life on formula that was supplemented with the breast milk I managed to get.

Overjoyed to have got more than 2 ml of milk!

I was discharged 5 days after the C-section and up until the day before it was unclear when Zyma would be moving from the women’s hospital to the children’s hospital… then I got a call on the fourth morning of her life, a place had suddenly become available and they wanted to move her that afternoon. We both went down to see her off then Jan walked over to the children’s hospital and met the transport personnel at the neonatal ward there to make sure he knew where she was and get her settled in. Meanwhile, I went back upstairs for lunch and to pump. In the evening I was given taxi vouchers to go to the children’s hospital and back – it’s only about a 15 minute walk between the two hospitals but I was not up to walking for 15 minutes yet. It was so weird leaving the hospital after being mostly confined to my ward for 5 whole weeks! After visiting with Zyma for a while, I took a taxi back to the women’s hospital while Jan walked around the corner to the family room we had booked and which I moved into the next day after being discharged (again, I was given a taxi voucher to get me there). I was surprisingly emotional leaving the hospital after so long! Probably because I wasn’t actually going home yet and didn’t know when I would be. The building with the family rooms is about a 5 minute walk from the children’s hospital and the next few days were spent going back and forth. The COVID rules at the time were that parents could be present in the neonatal ward 24 hours a day but only both at once for a total of 2 hours (they weren’t literally clock watching though, so we may have snuck in an extra half hour here and there!). I still had to pump regularly (pumps were provided) so Jan was with her then, one day he had to go to Bern to sort out a new passport, he also popped over to the women’s hospital with chocolates as a thank you for the nurses over there and so we made it through. We tended to leave relatively late at night compared to the other parents, but usually we were back in the room by 10 p.m. I was still recovering from the C-section after all (plus prior surgery and 5 weeks in hospital). The lactation consultants came by and told me we were both basically doing everything right but because Zyma was so small her sucking reflex wasn’t strong enough to get anything out yet. She finally managed to get some milk from me before we left though.

It’s hard to believe her hands used to be this small

We had been told to prepare for a stay of anywhere between 12 and 21 days, but apparently the doctors wanted to try and get through all the testing before Christmas so she actually had her last spina bifida tests on the 23rd, then she had to have a sleep study done overnight because her oxygen levels kept dropping while she slept. The result was that she needed to be out on caffeine. The hip ultrasound that was part of her spina bifida tests had revealed dysplasia, which we at the time thought would have to be treated in hospital for three weeks, but that could just as well be done in Basel. They told us Basel children’s hospital would have space for her from 27 December but if they agreed instead of her being transported from one hospital to another we could take her home and then bring her to the other hospital ourselves. Basel did agree and we were informed on Christmas Eve that she could go home the next day provided her oxygen levels stayed stable. So Jan spent the morning rushing to try and get everything we needed before the shops closed… bottles, formula in case breastfeeding didn’t work, nappies… the last minute things we had expected to still have time for. The next morning the nurses showed us how to prepare her caffeine and give it to her along with a bottle, we ate lunch in the hospital for the last time (until we returned for her first regular spin bifida check up in March), I fed Zyma… breastfeeding actually worked, although it took a while for her to get enough, Jan returned the room key and, finally, in the late afternoon, we were on our way! We didn’t actually arrive home until around 6 p.m. so we didn’t get much of Christmas Day there but at least Zyma was able to spend some of her first Christmas at home!

On the 26th, a friend came by to meet Zyma… her first visitor. I also opened most of the Christmas gifts (we hadn’t bothered the night before) and new baby gifts. Some people had actually sent her both… such a lucky/spoiled baby! Those first two nights are a bit of a blur. I didn’t sleep much, partly because she hadn’t yet learned the difference between day and night but also because I spent half the time checking she was still breathing when she went quiet and the other half wondering whether the noises she was making in her sleep were normal! But even though we’d only had her for a couple of nights it felt so wrong having to give her up again the next day… for what we thought was going to be three weeks. As it turned out, after performing their own ultrasound, the doctors in Basel didn’t think the hip dysplasia was as bad as feared and decided to send her home with a harness to try out. So on the 28th, just as I was getting ready to go to the hospital and take over from Jan, he messaged to say she was allowed home! By the time I’d joined him there, we’d had the discharge consultation with the doctors and I’d got enough milk into her for her to agree to go in the car seat it was already late afternoon, so again we didn’t have much left of the day. But she was home, and this time she would be staying.

The rest of the year was spent mostly at home getting used to being a family of three, although we did venture out for Zyma’s first little trip in the pram. And on New Year’s Eve we were in bed by 11 p.m.! I couldn’t tell you whether I was awake at midnight… I may or may not have been feeding her at that time, but the fireworks had already been going so crazy since about 9 p.m. that it was impossible to tell the difference! It didn’t really matter to us anyway. Sleeping next to the baby we’d waited so long for was the perfect way to see in the New Year!

Six months of Zyma

Six months! I can’t believe I just typed that. It only seems like a few weeks ago that I was publishing my three months post. And suddenly here we are… my baby is half a year old. In the time since my last post we’ve made it through her first little illness… initially we thought it was a UTI, and that was confirmed by the hospital (of course it was a public holiday here in Basel so the paediatrician was closed. With a fever and being under six months the telemedicine hotline recommended taking her to A+E at the children’s hospital). The initial rapid test came back positive and we started her on antibiotics, but the sample was also sent for cultures to find out exactly what the bacteria was, and 4 days later we received a phone call saying they hadn’t found anything. So we don’t know what she actually had… probably a small infection that cleared up by itself. At the exact same time, she started cutting her first tooth, which seemed a little unfair of the universe! And before anyone says it yes I am aware that teething can cause a raised temperature but not 39.6°C! (*Checks Google* That’s 103.28°F). We had already given her paracetamol in the morning, but with her temperature still hovering around 39°C the hospital gave her ibuprofen and that brought it down to below 38. Once the temperature was within normal range she was a lot more lively and even managed a few smiles. This was a Thursday (it was Ascension Day, in case you’re wondering) and by the Saturday she was maintaining a normal temperature without the aid of ibuprofen.

Little feet! (But big for her size… they’re always the first thing to grow out of footed clothing)

She now has two little bottom teeth and third one on its way through… we’re currently working on not biting mama. If we use the teeth, we don’t get milk!

Last time I said that she had started smiling, but mainly at her mobile rather than at us. Well, it wasn’t long before she had the social smile down and now she never stops. We went out for a little day trip recently and stopped for coffee and cake. Jan walked around the café with her before we ordered and two old ladies were treated to smiles. She’s also learned to laugh (and I’m realising what a terrible mammy I am having failed to write down when she achieved any of these milestones!). The first time I heard her giggle was when I was changing her nappy… I wasn’t sure whether she was just testing a new noise or actually amused, but it was definitely the cutest sound. She then didn’t do it for about a week, then we heard the occasional giggle, now she full on laughs all the time. She finds the most random things funny – and often only once with the same thing not getting any reaction the next time – and it’s almost impossible not to laugh along with her. One thing that almost always makes her smile and giggle is when I read We’re Going on a Bear Hunt. She particularly likes the lines “a swirling, whirling snowstorm” and “thick, oozy mud”. She’s still too impatient for most other books but that one is a hit.

Half German baby’s first time in Germany (for all of 30 seconds!)

In between laughing she has also learned to whine… what’s that all about?! I thought I had at least until she learned to talk for that! It started at around 4 months and there’s really no other way to describe it. A constant “Aaawhooooo” and “eeehhhhhh” in the whiniest tone of voice imaginable. Usually the whining starts when she’s forced to be on her tummy for more than two minutes at a time. She hasn’t learned to roll over yet so after looking around the room for a while and playing with whatever toy I put in front of her she’ll put her head down and whine, then eventually cry until I rescue her.

One milestone that I can put a date to, because it only happened recently, is sitting. She has looooved sitting up on our laps for a while and just a few weeks ago – on 1st June – she sat by herself for the very first time. She needs her hands to prop her up (apparently it’s called tripoding) but she can stay in that position for at least a minute without help… at least until she decides she needs one of her hands for something else and promptly topples over! I try not to let her be in that position for too long though.

I love this sleepsuit. Dinosaurs are for everyone!

At just over three months she had her first spina bifida checkup and she did so well. It was a long day for everyone, with the first appointment at 8:30 a.m. meaning we had to be on the road by 6 a.m. but she was amazing. We made it to within ten minutes of the hospital before she started to cry. I was in the back with her and managed to keep her mostly calm until we had arrived and she could have milk, and she was perfect for most of the tests. She did cry during the kidney ultrasound and when one of the doctors wanted to see her on her tummy (the dreaded tummy time coupled with tiredness – not a great combination!) but other than that she did great. The results were also mostly positive, and everyone was particularly pleased with how well she moves her legs. We’ve now started physiotherapy but more just to set things in motion than to address any specific problems. We did start intermittent catheterisation because one of the tests showed a couple of issues there – basically her bladder starts to contract before it’s actually full which could eventually cause urine to reflux back into the kidneys, and she also doesn’t empty her bladder completely. If things don’t improve she will eventually have to start on medication that would completely paralyse the bladder, meaning it wouldn’t contract at all, even when full, and she would no longer be able to urinate by herself, so the doctor wanted us to learn how to catheterise her now so it will already be routine if she does end up needing medication. Bladder problems are common with spina bifida because among the affected nerves are those that control the bladder, but we were obviously hoping she would have escaped. It was relatively unlikely though given the level of her defect. At first we had carers coming in to help us with catheterisation, but now she’s a bit bigger we’ve finally managed to figure out how to do it ourselves every time. Not having an appointment at 10:30 a.m. Monday to Friday definitely makes my life a lot easier! Her next spina bifida check up is at the end of this month so keep your fingers crossed it’s still all good news.

Oh, I almost forgot, when we went back to the hospital in Basel for her hip dysplasia check up the doctor was extremely pleased and said he no longer needs to see her. Her hips will be checked regularly at the spina bifida clinic anyway but she won’t be needing a harness again.

Between physiotherapy, carers’ and doctors’ appointments and various visitors we’ve been kept very busy. Luckily Zyma is a relatively easy baby even when she’s at her whiniest and so far I’ve had no problem getting on the bus with her – although I have had to rush to pay and leave the supermarket a few times so I could feed her on a bench outside. Fortunately it’s usually warm enough to do that now! My mam and brother came to visit recently so she also had her first train ride – she did very well, feeding on the way there and then hanging out in the carrier on daddy on the way back. The next challenge will be a looong car ride to visit Jan’s dad and attend his belated 70th birthday party. Wish us luck! She also still wakes 2-3 times a night to eat, meaning I’m often pretty zombie-like in the morning. It’s all worth it though. We couldn’t be prouder of our funny, smiley, wriggly little bean (my nickname for her). Happy half birthday baby girl. Mammy and daddy love you very much.

What I read in May 2022

I’m a day late writing this post for what it turns out is the final Show Us Your Books. It really does feel like the end of an era and I haven’t even been around since the beginning! Many thanks to Steph and Jana for all their years of hosting (since October 2014!). I’ve found so many good books through this link up and also some of my favourite bloggers.

Now let’s get to the books shall we?

Broken Soup by Jenny Valentine. When a good-looking boy with an American accent presses a dropped negative into Rowan’s hand, she’s convinced it’s just a mistake. She knows she didn’t drop anything, but he’s adamant it was her. But before she can say anything more he’s gone, lost in the crowd of bustling shoppers. And she can’t afford to lose her place in the checkout queue – after all, the food shopping isn’t going to take itself home! Rowan has more responsibilities than most girls her age. These days, she pretty much looks after her little sister single-handedly – which doesn’t leave much time for friends or fun. But when she finds out that Bee from school saw the whole thing, it piques her curiosity. Especially when it turns out the dropped item does have a connection to her after all… I enjoyed this. Some parts of the story line were predictable but I was okay with it. Stroma is fantastic – definitely one of my favourite little sisters in fiction. I thought Bee’s character could have been fleshed out a bit more – we are told how special and amazing she is but I didn’t really feel it. I did love Harper though. This is the kind of book I would have devoured as a teen. With Rowan’s struggles at home, I would compare it to Jacqueline Wilson, but for older readers. 4 stars.

Another Mother’s Son by Janet Davey. Lorna Parry is the mother of three boys, each one lurching uncomfortably into adulthood. In the claustrophobic loneliness of her own home, Lorna orbits around her sons and struggles to talk to them; she’s still angry at her ex-husband, uncomfortable around her father’s new girlfriend, and works quietly as the only employee left in a deserted London archive. Life seems precariously balanced. Then a shocking event occurs in the stationery cupboard at the boys’ school and her world threatens to implode. This was an incredibly depressing book. I’m not sure I’ve ever read such a pessimistic representation of motherhood. The youngest son, Ross, was just awful. I know teenagers are difficult but I would never have got away with talking to my mother like that! (Constantly telling her to shut up, you can leave now, nobody’s interested in you.) The “incident” wasn’t what I thought it was going to be and in the end didn’t even feel like a main plot point. I did think the writing was good though. It was certainly evocative – I could actually feel how dull Lorna’s live was! 2.5 stars.

Keeper of the Lost Cities by Shannon Messenger. Twelve-year-old Sophie has never quite fit into her life. She’s skipped multiple grades and doesn’t really connect with the older kids at school, but she’s not comfortable with her family, either. Because Sophie has a secret, an ability that she’s never been able to share with anybody. She can read the thoughts of everyone around her. When she meets Fitz, a mysterious (and adorable) boy, she learns she’s not alone. She discovers that there is a place she belong, but also that staying with her family will place her in grave danger. In the blink of an eye, Sophie is forced to leave behind everything and start a new life in a place that is vastly different from anything she has ever known. There are new rules to learn and new skills to master, and not everyone is thrilled that she has come “home.” And the danger isn’t over either. There are secrets buried deep in Sophie’s memory – secrets about who she really is and why she was hidden among humans – that other people desperately want. Would even kill for. It’s up to Sophie to figure out why she’s the key to her brand new world… before someone else works it out first. This was a fun read. It definitely has its flaws and Sophie’s constant perfection (despite being new to the world and school, she’s the absolute best ever at everything except one subject) got annoying, as did her suddenly remembering random things or discovering completely new abilities when it was convenient for the plot, but I stayed up longer than I planned reading and had to force myself to go to bed without finishing it, which anyone who has ever had a young baby knows is a big deal, so 3.5 stars. Also, for some reason I thought this book involved gods but it’s not that at all.

Thirteen Hours by Deon Meyer. (Benny Griessel #2) As morning dawns in Cape Town, it promises to be a very trying day for homicide detective Benny Griessel it promises to be a very trying day. The body of a teenage girl has been found on the street, her throat cut. She was an American – a PR nightmare in the #1 tourist destination in South Africa. And she wasn’t alone. Somewhere in Cape Town her friend, Rachel Anderson, an innocent American, is hopefully still alive. On the run, Rachel is terrified with no idea who she can trust or where to turn in this unknown city. It’s up to Benny to find her, in a race against the clock. Meanwhile, he gets pulled into a second case, the murder of a South African music executive. Griessel has been sober for nearly six months – 156 days. But day 157 is going to be a tough one! This is a thrilling book with great characters. I found all the politics and tension between the different cultures – Zulus, Xhosa, and Coloreds (mixed race and South Asian) slightly confusing (despite having read Born a Crime, which explains a lot of the background) but still enjoyed the story. We don’t find out what Rachel has that the criminals want until near the end and I absolutely could not guess what it might be! The book was originally written in Afrikaans but as far as I can tell it loses nothing in the translation to English. Despite being the second in a series I didn’t feel like I had missed anything too vital. I found this one randomly in a free bookcase but wouldn’t be averse to buying other books by this author in the future. 4 stars.

My Not So Perfect Life by Sophie Kinsella. Katie – or Cat, as she is known at work – Brenner has the perfect life, with a flat in London and a glamorous job at a branding company… or so her Instagram feed would suggest. Okay, she actually rents a tiny room in a shared flat where she doesn’t even have space for a wardrobe, has a nightmare commute to a lowly admin job and the life she shares on Instagram isn’t actually hers. But one day her dreams are bound to come true, right. Fake it til you make it and all that. But then her not-so-perfect life comes crashing down when her boss, the mega-successful Demeter who she has been desperately trying to emulate, gives her the sack and Katie is forced to move home to Somerset. When Demeter books in for a glamping holiday on Katie’s family’s farm, she can’t resist the opportunity to get revenge. But does Demeter – the woman who seemingly has everything – really have such an idyllic life. Maybe the two women have more in common than it seems? This is a quick read for how long it is (431 pages) and there’s quite a bit of humour in it. Katie is a little annoying at times, but it’s less fluffy than I was expecting and has a good message underneath. The love interest (because obviously there is one) is fairly forgettable and honestly I would have been fine with this being a book about someone finding themselves without any added romance, but it was fine. Ultimately, this will probably be a fairly forgettable book but it was the perfect not-too-taxing read for baby nap times. 3.5 stars.

For my final Show Us Your Books post it would have been nice to say all the books I read were by BIPOC/BAME authors, but alas none of them were. Even Deon Meyer is a white South African – although I feel like the fact that the book was originally written in Afrikaans makes it somewhat diverse? No? Okay. Anyway, I am linking up with Steph and Jana forthe very last time and you really should click on one of those two names and go and check out what the rest of this amazing book community has been reading since the last link up.

What I read in April 2022

Second Tuesday of the month already! That means it’s books day. As always, I am linking up with Steph and Jana. In April I managed to read a whole 4 books! I am slowly learning how to read while she feeds – although I still end up being forced to stop if she gets too wriggly and distracted.

Beach Read by Emily Henry. January is a hopeless romantic who has always believed that anyone’s life can be wonderful if they just look at things the right way… at least until her beloved father passes away and she discovers he wasn’t the man she thought he was. Spending the summer in a lake house she never knew he owned, she finds herself living next door to none other than her college rival, Augustus. Gus is a serious literary type who thinks true love is a fairy-tale. There’s no way the two of them are ever going to get on. But they actually have more in common than you’d think: They’re both broke. They’ve got crippling writer’s block. They need to write bestsellers before the end of the summer. The result? A bet to see who can get their book published first. The catch? They have to swap genres. The risk? In telling each other’s stories, their worlds might be changed entirely… This is cute but at the same time darker than I was expecting. It does go into some deeper issues alongside the cute romance. The writing style was a little odd at times – at one point January describes something as being “atop” something. Who uses the word “atop” when just thinking to themselves?! I enjoyed it though despite little things like that throwing me out of the story and gave it 4 stars.

Damsel Distressed by Imogen Keegen has never had a happily ever after – in fact, she doesn’t even think they’re possible. Ever since her mother’s death seven years ago, Imogen has been in and out of therapy, struggled with an “emotionally disturbed” special ed. label, and loathed her perma-plus-sized status. When Imogen’s new stepsister, the evil and gorgeous Carmella (aka Ella) Cinder, moves in, Imogen begins losing grip on the pieces she’s been trying to hold together. The only things that gave her solace – the theatre, cheese fries, and her best friend, Grant – aren’t enough to save her from her pain this time. While Imogen is enjoying her moment in the spotlight after the high school musical, the journal pages containing her darkest thoughts get put on display. Now, Imogen must resign herself to be crushed under the ever-increasing weight of her pain, or finally accept the starring role in her own life story. And maybe even find herself a happily ever after. As far as I can tell as a non-sufferer, this is a good representation of anxiety and depression. However I just did not like Imogen. It felt like she was hiding behind her mental illness as an excuse for being just not a very nice person. Yes some people are mean to her (make comments about her weight, etc.) but Imogen is horrible to other people as well. She complains that her dad sprung his marriage on her but she literally says she didn’t want to know about his relationship – I guess she wanted him to spend the rest of his life alone and in mourning? So the fact that she lost her mother is obviously a perfectly reasonable excuse to be horrible to/about her stepmother who is nothing but kind to Imogen throughout the book. And this is when Imogen has supposedly been doing well with her mental health – she only starts to spiral during the book when her stepsister shows up. And speaking of the stepsister (Carm)Ella, she’s portrayed as being completely evil just for the sake of it with no redeeming features. But before she even does a single nasty thing Imogen seems to hate her for being pretty and wearing tight/short clothing… i.e. Imogen total slut shames her although at that point there’s no evidence that Ella even acts slutty (and even if there were who is Imogen to judge? Imogen who hates being judged herself). Eventually there are some hints that Ella’s life maybe hasn’t been so perfect but by that time the reader has already been led to believe that poor Imogen is the victim of the nasty stepsister who hated her on sight for literally no reason at all. Most of the other supporting characters are too good to be true: the best friend straight out of Dawson’s Creek, the new girl who is actually nice and doesn’t realise how pretty she is, the nauseatingly adorable gay couple, one of whom just happens to be *amazing* with a needle and thread. And when Imogen messes up they’ve all already forgiven her before she even attempts to apologise. The writing actually isn’t bad and like I said the representation of mental illness seems to be realistic and isn’t glamourised or trivialised. Maybe it’s a me problem rather than a book problem. Either way I found this one just okay. 2.5 stars.

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones. Almost ten years ago, on the last day of hunting season, Lewis, Ricky, Gabe and Cass, young Blackfeet men, did something they would come to regret. Even at the time they knew it was wrong, but caught up in the adrenaline of the moment, of the hunt, they got carried away. Now, with the anniversary coming up, Lewis, who is now married to a white woman and living far from the Reservation, begins to be haunted by images of that day as an entity tracks the childhood friends hellbent on getting revenge. I really enjoyed the beginning of this book and the final third-ish. Parts of it were really slow though and I didn’t always love the writing style. It’s certainly a good book, just not quite for me. 3 stars.

The One Hundred Years of Lenni and Margot by Marianne Cronin. Seventeen-year-old Lenni is stuck on the terminal ward of a Glasgow hospital, but even while knowing she’s dying she still wants nothing more than to live for as long as she has left. After finding out that patients have to be allowed to visit the chapel for religious reasons, she jumps at the chance to see a new part of the hospital. There, she meets and befriends the hospital priest, Father Arthur. meanwhile, eighty-three year old Margot is in the same hospital. When Lenni and Margot meet in an art class, Lenni realises that their combined age is 100… and so the two of them decide to paint a picture for each year of their lives. As they are painting, each of them tells the story of these key events – from Lenni’s childhood in Sweden and her mother’s struggles with mental health to the devastating loss that led Margot to leave Glasgow for London and eventually meet the two great loves of her life. This book is an absolute joy, which may seem an odd thing to say considering it’s about a terminally ill teenager, but it really is. Lenni is fantastic – it seems so unfair that she’s dying – and Margot’s story is fascinating. I loved the supporting characters as well, especially Father Arthur who is a sweetheart and a great sport about Lenni’s questions. There’s a story involving homeless man that seemed a bit random and I’m not exact sure why it was in there but I absolutely devoured the rest, and yes I cried at the end. 4 stars.

That’s all from me for this month. Don’t forget to check out the link up!

What I read in March 2022

I had forgotten that today was Show Us Your Books, which is why I’m writing this post late in the day after baby bedtime (well, I say baby bedtime but I’ve just put her down for the third time so we’ll see…). Luckily it won’t take too long since I only read three books in March. But that’s one more than in January or February so I’ll take it. I’m linking up with Steph and Jana, as always.

The Beast and the Bethany by Jack Meggitt-Phillips (The Beast and the Bethany #1). Beauty comes at a price. And no one knows that better than Ebenezer Tweezer, who has stayed young and beautiful for 511 years. How, you may wonder? Ebenezer simply has to feed the beast in the attic of his mansion. In return for meals of performing monkeys, statues of Winston Churchill, and the occasional cactus, Ebenezer gets potions that keep him young and beautiful, as well as other presents. But with every meal the beast grows greedier, and one day he announces that he’d like to eat a nice, juicy child next. Ebenezer has never done anything quite this terrible to hold onto his wonderful life. Still, he finds the absolutely snottiest, naughtiest, and most frankly unpleasant child he can and prepares to feed her to the beast. But the child, Bethany, may just be more than Ebenezer bargained for. She’s certainly a really rather rude houseguest, but Ebenezer still finds himself wishing she didn’t have to be gobbled up after all. Could it be Bethany is less meal-worthy and more…friend-worthy? This is a fun and very quick read. I loved the characters. They were really well written, even the side characters really came to life. Some of the humour was a little silly for my tastes but the right kind of child would love it. And despite the humour this is a surprisingly dark book so that balances out the silliness a bit. There are also a few things in the book that are obviously catering to adult readers – the most obvious being the reference to The Picture of Dorian Grey (except instead of a painting in the attic it’s a beast) but there were also references to a few other classics that I can’t remember now. Anyway, I gave it 4 stars.

Bonkers: My Life in Laughs by Jennifer Saunders. This is the biography of comedian Jennifer Saunders, most famous as one half of comedy duo French and Saunders and Bolly-swilling Edina from the TV series Absolutely Fabulous. It’s entertaining enough but there seemed to be a lot missing. The part about how she went from being friends with Ade Edmondson to marrying him is *very* brief – I’m still not really sure how they got together. Mainly she talks a lot about her friendship with Dawn French and how her various comedy projects came about while only briefly skimming over anything really personal, which seems to defeat the object of an autobiography. Also, as she herself frankly admits, her early life was fairly boring (which is good for her of course – a childhood free of drama and tragedy is definitely worth having!). It passed the time well enough though and the parts about writing/making Ab Fab were interesting. I read Dawn French’s autobiography a while ago and liked that a lot more (plus it made me cry). Three stars for this one. Read it if you’re a Jennifer Saunders/Ab Fab mega-fan, otherwise give it a miss.

Long Way Down by Jason Reynolds. A cannon. A strap. A piece. A biscuit. A burner. A heater. A chopper. A gat. A hammer. A tool. For RULE. Or, you could just call it a gun. That’s what fifteen-year-old Will has shoved in the back waistband of his jeans when he enters the elevator in his apartment building. See, his brother Shawn was just murdered. And Will knows the rules. No crying. No snitching. Revenge. That’s where Will’s heading now, with that gun shoved in the back waistband of his jeans, the gun that was his brother’s gun. He gets on the elevator, seventh floor, stoked. He knows who he’s after. Or does he? With each floor the elevator stops at, somebody else who’s connected to Will’s brother gets on. Somebody who can fill in another, bigger part of the picture Will thinks he knows. A story that might never know an END…if Will gets off that elevator. I really liked this It’s a really interesting way to tell a story and the story itself is thought provoking. For some reason I didn’t find it as emotional as I expected to but that’s probably a me thing. It was almost like I didn’t know Will enough to feel sad for his loss. It’s a good, quick read though. 4 stars.

That’s all I’ve got for you. Three books. One by a BIPOC/BAME author. For more book reviews make your way over to the link up. And make a note of Tuesday, 10th May for the next one.

November 2021 recap

I’ve been meaning to write this post since February and it’s now almost April so let’s do this shall we… otherwise I’m still going to be banging on about last year in 2023!

After being rehospitalised at the end of October I was back on oral medication to prevent contractions and sent home again on 3 November. This time I was not allowed to work at all. Luckily I was only actually planning on working until the 5th since I had annual leave I still needed to take, so I only got a sick note for a couple of days. I then spent a week at home mostly in bed but also sorting out a few things that needed to be sorted before the birth. I managed to post out both a Christmas card and my cousin’s birthday present to New Zealand… only for them to still not arrive until after Christmas, but that’s another story! I also got together the documents I needed to register the birth. (Jan didn’t sort his part in time though, which has resulted in a right palaver with her surname, but again that’s another story).

On 9 November I went for an ultrasound. Because of the operation, I was supposed to go for one once a week to make sure the placenta was still working and baby was growing properly. I was expecting it to be routine, and almost everything looked great but the doctor noticed my amniotic fluid was low. I then had an appointment with another doctor (the first was just doing the ultrasound), who did a swab to test for leaking amniotic fluid sent me for a CTG (see my last monthly recap if you don’t know what that is). The CTG looked good and the swab was negative. I had also asked the doctor about a vaccination for whooping cough, which I had been recommended to get while I was in hospital for the operation. He sent the nurse to check whether they had any and they did so I got that as well. Finally I saw yet another doctor – the second one having only been standing in for her while she was on her break! She was fairly clueless about what was going on but decided I should be admitted to the hospital in Zurich. But this time I was sent home to pack and make my own way there instead of being transported in an ambulance so at least I knew they weren’t too worried! The doctor said she would let Zurich know I was coming so home I went… having been at the hospital for about 3 hours by this time! At home I packed then hung around waiting for ages because Jan decided he needed to finish something before driving me to Zurich. We finally arrived at the hospital around 9 p.m. where I first had to go to the Labour and Delivery floor for another CTG, two ultrasounds (a normal and an internal one) and another swab for amniotic fluid. The doctor was convinced it was going to be positive but it was not. After some discussion about whether I should have a booster of the injection for the baby’s lung development they decided to leave it for the time being and admit me to the prenatal ward, where I had been the other two times I was in hospital. Jan had to leave at around 11 p.m. to take the car back and I was finally taken up to the ward around midnight. The next morning the doctor came round and told me the plan… basically we would just wait, constantly monitor the situation and try and get me as far as possible. As long as baby was still doing well I would be allowed to continue the pregnancy but I definitely wouldn’t be going home. That was pretty much as I had expected and I agreed that hospital was the best place for me to be, so that’s where I stayed for the rest of November (and part of December, but we’re not there yet). The surgeon who was in charge of my case and would be doing my C-section also came to see me and explained her theory of what was going on… basically she thought there was a tiny hole at the site of the internal incision and amniotic fluid was leaking from there into my abdomen. The two swabs for amniotic fluid had come back negative because my waters hadn’t broken as such, and so there was no risk of infection and it was deemed safe for me to stay pregnant.

The view from my hospital room on 26 November 2021

For the rest of November I did crossword puzzles, read, walked around the ward and chatted to my various room mates. One person had already been in there for about 4 weeks and stayed there with me until 1 December, when she finally bled one too many times and was taken to have her daughter. Another person was only there for 5 days before giving birth to her daughter, whose original due date was the exact dame as Zyma’s – 6 January! We’re still in touch via the occasional WhatsApp message. Various other women came and went, some just for one night, some for a little longer. And for a few days I was even completely on my own… in a room meant for 3! Every day I had a CTG in the morning and another in the evening, every three days I had an ultrasound, and at some point I ended up back on IV meds to prevent contractions. It was boring and sometimes lonely (Jan couldn’t visit that often since he had to work) but every single day that I was able to stay pregnant was an absolute gift. I knew the longer baby stayed in the better things would be for her, and since she would already have spina bifida to deal with I really didn’t want her to end up with any additional issues from being born prematurely. So I embraced the boredom and kept myself occupied as best I could. And so, eventually, November passed and I made it to the month in which. no matter what, I would be having a baby!
December 2021 recap coming soon. Well, I say soon, but clearly I can’t promise anything…