A mini breakdown… and a potential breakthrough

An hour ago, Jan called me to let me know that he’s not going to mak it home before the early hours of the morning (he’s working on a paper, deadline midnight and needs access to the computers at work to run the tests he wants to write about). He’s been working on the paper for about a week now, so I wasn’t really expecting him home at a sensible time tonight, but the fact that he actually bothered to call put a huge smile on my face. While this may not seem like a big deal to many of you, his not calling is exactly the kind of thing we disagree on. We’ve agreed that, once our evening meal is ready, I won’t wait around too long for him, but will eat alone leaving his portion for him to heat up later, and while this means I get to eat at a sensible time, when he neither calls nor shows up I can’t help but feel it’s a case of out of sight, out of mind. He, on the other hand, says it’s not that he never thinks of me when I’m not there, he just loses track of time and it doesn’t occur to him that I’ll be cooking tea already. So him calling me as early as 6 o’clock is nothing short of a miracle.

This comes on the heels of a bit of a mini breakdown on my part yesterday. I have to admit, I have slightly crap timing – Jan was actually doing some work for the aforementioned paper at the time and was about to get ready to go and meet his choir for a warm up before a festival they were performing at. But after being ignored by him nearly all morning, then catching him on a forum rather than actually working on the paper, I burst into tears, told him I wouldn’t be coming to his festival and stormed off for a shower. Yeah… it’s not exactly something I’m proud of. But… we talked, Jan said he had noticed my getting rid of things and preparing to move, and he does want me to stay, he just doesn’t know what he can do to make me want to do so, especially since he still can’t see his way to offering me any kind of long term commitment. And I told him it’ not like I’m looking for a marriage proposal… or even a commitment to stay with me forever without a bit of paper, but I want to feel that he’s at least willing to give us a proper try, not just drift along the way we have been doing. So, he has promised to try and show me that I am important to him, even if he can’t make a decision to save his life and I’ve promised to communicate more, and let him know what’s actually bothering me rather than saving it all up and letting everything out out once. That method only leads to arguments… and tears (mine, not his). So back we go, for another try. But he has said he wants me to stay… which isn’t quite the major decision I’ve been hoping for, but I feel it is a breakthrough, of sorts. Baby steps… And today, at least I get to go to bed happy.

Furniture and things

First things first… some photographs for those who requested them (or actually just answered my question with a yes, but you know what I mean…).
We’ll start in the bedroom, just because those are the photos that appear first in the folder…
Photo one is the chest of drawers (well, duh! Talk about stating the obvious!). Currently looking very neat and tidy, but I’m sure it won’t be long before the same chaos that reigns on every other sufrace in the flat has made it on to there to. *sigh*. That cardboard box you see to the left of the drawers contains the bedside table. It was only put up yesterday and I was working on my dissertation all day so no photo yet I’m afraid.

Moving on, and the chest of drawers has been joined by a wardrobe. Just a small one for now – we only really needed somehwere to hang stuff up since the drawers will do just fine fo things that can be folded. Eventually we’ll get a bigger (and probably slightly more expensive) wardrobe for our room in the new flat, but that wasn’t the purpose of this weekend’s mission.

And now let’s take a trip to the livign room…
Here you see Detolf, the cabinet. I am so overjoyed to finally have some storage space! Those plates you see at the bottom had been living on on the floor gathering dust up to now. Finally, after a little more than a year, I’ve managed to find them a home…

And that brings us to my final photo.
It’s a lamp! Eventually it’s place will be next to the sofa – which Jan will be bring with him from his flat. I actually can’t wait to have a sofa to snuggle up on! For now, though, the lamp has to be content with standing to one side of my living room, looking slightly lonely and out of place.
And that, my friends, is that. Not bad for an afternoon’s shopping.

And in other news, we had an appointment to look at another flat today. It was at 9:15 this morning, so I arranged to work from home today instaed of taking a half day and not starting til around 12 pm (and before you ask yes I did actually do work!). The flat was nice but would need a fair amount doing to it – like a proper kitchen putting in for one! – which of course would be expensive. Once again it all comes down to the money factor! We’l discuss it tonight though and I’m hoping a decision will have been made by Thursday at the latest. Stay tuned!

Good stuff and guilt

I kind of had to tell my boss about the job interview today. He called me into his office to ask if I’d made my decision yet and when I said no he wanted to know why.Aarggh! I had no idea what to say! So I just told the truth. Then he was asking me what was so good about the other offer, or so bad about his. Then he said if they can’t be sure I’m going to take the job he can always advertise for someone else, becuase for him it doesn’t sound good. Oh man. Now I have a date for the interview – Thursday at 3:30pm – so tomorrow I have to go into work and ask for Thursday afternoon off. And whether I say it or not he’s going to know why. Eeep! Since I was already being honest when he asked me where the company is I figured there was no point in lying about that, so I told him. Stuttgart. To which he asked me if I really want to commute to Stuttgart every day. Well, that is one of the major factors against taking that job (if I’m even offered it!) The other one being that it will most likely pay less than he’s offering me. But it’s just translation, no project management. Although I think getting more project management probably isn’t a bad thing. And I can’t exactly run away and find a new job every time my work involves something I’m not that good at.
Anyway, so now I feel… I don’t know. Slightly guilty I guess. I mean, he’s offering me this great opportunity and I’m putting off answering because I’m considering taking something not as good, which I haven’t even been offered yet and may not even be offered. It’s almost like saying his company isn’t good enough for me or something. But apart from that work was actually pretty good today. I guess now they’ve told me they want me to stay I’m less worried that I might be doing something wrong. So that would be a point in favour of staying I suppose. Ugh, I hate making decisions. Even about good stuff.

Ooh, I also have other news!
Long time readers will be aware that I live in a student residence that I would really quite like to get out of, and in fact have to get out of by the end of March having told the people in charge that I would like to move out after this semester. Well, on 31st January I’m off to look at a flat! It’s not much – just a one room thing. But it would be a place of my own. And it at least has a separate kitchen, which a lot of the one room places don’t. And the rent is pretty cheap. I’m not getting my hopes up too much yet though. After all, I haven’t even seen it yet so it could be horrible, and also I’m probably not the only person that’s enquired about it. But it’s a start, and combined with the job thing makes me think things may be looking up in my life. Now I just hope it continues…

Decisions, decisions

Okay people, I have a dilemma on my hands. I have to make a decision. Not something I’m good at in the slightest…
You see, today I was offered a proper job at the place I work. The contract would be for one year, following which I would be offered an ope-ended contratc, provided I still want to stay. All sounds very good, yes. Then I arrived home to find an email from the company I applied for a position of trainee translator at before Christmas. Guess what? They want me to come for an interview. So, what do I do? I have decided I will at least go to the interview at the new place, but that means taking a day off work. Do I tell the boss where I’m going? Even though he’s made me a definite job offer? And if I’m then offered the other job what do I do, where do I go? Aargh… it’s making my head hurt already and I haven’t even had the interview yet!
It’s a good kind of dilemma though. Really I shouldn’t be complaining. Still a dilemma though, so if anyone has any advice please feel free to give me it…

The countdown begins

10 days from now I fly back to the land of my birth. That’s 8 more work days and one weekend to go. Ten days should feel like nothing but actually it’s looking incredibly long right now, probably because I’m tired. Maybe tomorrow it will seem closer – at least the number will be in single figures then.

I also have 10 days to decide whether I’m moving out in March or whether to stay here for one more semester (until August) just in case. Umm, help?

To move or not to move… a question of money

There was a party in my building last night. The same party we have every year at this time. Each floor has something different to sell (mine did cocktails and shots, others do various beverages and things to eat). There’s a band in the hall at the top and music playing in the bar in the cellar. There were actually two bands this year, one made up of people who live or have lived in the building and one “proper” band who were paid for coming to entertain us. The boyfriend was involved in the first band so I spent the first half of the night up there watching them play and most of the rest of the night in the bar where I was down to do a DJ shift starting at 11:30. The party was good but not really worth blogging about (which would explain why I’m doing exactly that…)

And in other news, some of you may remember that I was determined to move out of my building at the end of this semester. Well, the form we have to fill in to do so arrived this morning. I have until 19th December to either tick the box saying I want to extend my time here by another semester or the box saying I will be moving out at the end of this one. Should I tick the latter I need to choose whether I will be out of here by 1st March or 1st April. Obviously we all know what I want to tick. The only problem being that I don’t know yet whether I’ll have a job by the end of March, or indeed by the end of January. Without a job there’s no way I’ll be able to afford to live anywhere else. Oh yes, and there’s the small matter of actually finding somewhere new to love to be sorted out as well. Time to start flat hunting maybe? Things would be so much easier if Jan hadn’t decided to go and move in with someone else last year…

Dilemmas

What do you do when you get up in the morning to find the shower in your corridor is occupied?

a) Go back to your room and wait 5 minutes to see if the other person finishes
b) Go to the not as new or as good shower in the other corridor, which involves walking past the entrance to the building (all glass and transparent)
c) Forget about the shower, go back to your room and attempt to wash yourself over the sink.

This morning, after much internal debate, I chose option c. Or I suppose I chose the first and third options really as by the time I’d decided what to do 5 minutes had gone by and the shower was still occupied. By that time I’d decided there was no point in going to the other shower cos that would only add another 5 minutes to the time already spent and make me late. So I washed myself over the sink, which resulted in lots of water on the floor but at least I don’t smell any more.

And so it’s off to work I go.

Music man

You know, I don’t think I’ve mentioned in any of my many posts (according to wordpress this is my 119th!) that my boyfriend is a musician.
Well, he is. Not like a full time musician. He has a degree in computer science. But on the side he’s a musician. A drummer to be exact, or at least that’s the instrument that he actually learned to play. As in took official lessons. He plays guitar as well though, and he sings. He even tried out bass guitar at his work’s Christmas party last year. Makes you wonder why he’s with me, the girl who can’t even yodel (ha, I totally stole that last bit from Beaches).
Anyway… I am going somewhere with this, honest.

So every winter there’s a big party in my student residence, the Heimfest. It’s on the first Friday in December usually and it’s a public party – anyone can come in for a small fee, and each of the floors sells various food and drinks throughout the night. There’s also a band. (Do you see where I’m going with this yet?).
So the last couple of years, in addition to the “ordinary” band (usually some local group) some people from here in the building decided to form their own band who would perform before the main act. Naturally the boyfriend was involved.

Since the residence band went down so well last year the people who are in charge of this year’s Heimfest have asked some people whether they would like to perform again this time round. Naturally they would. And naturally my boyfriend wants to be part of it too, even though he doesn’t actually live here any more. That doesn’t matter though – it doesn’t have to be people who actually live here. They just have to be connected to the residence in some way. And Jan did live here for (way too many) years.

Tonight the band are having their very first meeting. I won’t call it a practice because I think tonight is more about discussing than actually practicing, although Jan did take his guitar so you never know. The meeting started at 7pm, although Jan didn’t turn up til half past. It’s now 10:30pm. I’m hungry. I’m tired. I got three hours sleep last night. I’m currently debating whether to just go and eat something, running the risk that Jan will turn up just as I finish complaining that he’s hungry too. Decisions, decisions.
They’re having another band meeting tomorrow. Luckily I actually have plans tomorrow – while he’s playing guitar I’ll be in Heilbronn tasting wine with my ex-colleagues. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long time before I actually get to spend another weekend with my boyfriend though.
*Sigh* Roll on December!

The lesser of two evils

I’m currently trying to decide whether to go over my boyfriend’s place or not.
Tonight is bar night here in my student residence, and my room is right above the bar. That means very loud music, random people talking outside… just generally noisiness basically. Bar night plus headache – probably not good. So Jan suggested I go over to his place. The advantage is no bar. The disadvantage? If I decide to go over there I have to take a tram across town. Before that I have to get my stuff together for a night over there and for work tomorrow. All with a headache. He’s going to call in a minute to find out what I want to do. And I have no idea which option makes me feel less ill.
Decisions, decisions.

Rubbish toys and interviews

Yesterday Jan bought me one of those new Kinder Joy things because he knows I like them and I’m trying to collect all the Loony Toons figures. The Kinder Joy was lovely, they taste so much better than the traditional Kinder Surprise Eggs. The toy on the other hand… Well, there have always been crap Kinder toys. In fact, if you think about it most of them are crap, unless you’re four years old. But even as a four year old I would have found this one crap. It was some weird purple… thing. I think it was meant to be a bear. A bear wearing swimming trunks and holding a duck shaped rubber ring. Then there were stickers to put on it. There are often stickers to put on these toys. But these particular stickers were most disappointing. They were plain white! The outline was drawn on of course, in black, but other than that they were white. And on the instructions it told you to colour them in yourself. How rubbish is that? I was not impressed at all.

The interview went well in case anyone’s wondering. I’ve been offered a 6 month internship to start with, then if all goes well I can have a proper job at the end of it. The internship will pay more than I’m on now, so even with travel costs I’ll be better off. I now have until Wednesday to decide whether to take it. Right now I’m just excited that they’ve offered me something, but before making the big decision I want to discuss it with my boyfriend and possibly also with his parents seing as they’re coming tomorrow. My parents have already been informed and both have said go for it. I have time though… no need to make any life changing decisions right now.