Legal texts versus humour

Oh dear. I seem to have been very unfair to my boyfriend in my last post. In this one here too come to think of it. So I’d just like to state for the record that he’s not as selfish as I make him out to be. Really not. This the wonderful guy who came over to my place at stupid o’clock at night to look after me when I had sunstroke. (See this post). See. Not selfish or mean. It’s just that he’s really not the kind of person that thinks about the future very often. Coe to think of it, he doesn’t really think about the past either. I’ve never known anyone remember so little of their childhood. He’s very much a live in the moment type of guy. So when he started looking for a flat he was acting according to how he felt at that very moment. And he never thought about what he might want in the future. Which is why we’re now in a situation where he has a flat he wants to stay in for the next four years and I’m trying to figure out where I’m going to live for those four years since it can’t be with my boyfriend. I don’t resent him for it. Not at all. I have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that he loves me, and for now that’s all that matters. But it does get frustrating at times, and then I have to write about it otherewise I’ll scream, which probably won’t make me feel any better and will only result in a horrible sore throat.

Is it really Tuesday already? It feels like it should be at least Thursday the amount of work I’ve done already this week. I could do with a nice long lie in. A glass of wine would be nice too.

I have to fill in my university forms today. Jan should be bringing them with him when he comes round. I had to send them to him  to print because, while he was kind enough to leave me his computer, he took the printer away with him. I’m not sure what he thought he was going to do with a printer and no computer, but that’s men for you. They never did make any sense! Anyway, I sent him the forms for him to print and work and hopefully they will be arriving at my place sometime this evening. Then I’ll have to fill the bloody things in. I hate filling in forms! There’s about 3 pages or financial form to fill in, then a registration form and finally the module choice form. I wanted to do two modules this year. German translation in a social context, otherwise known as GETS, and Translation of humour. Turns out they’re not doing the humour one this year, so unless I want to wait a whole extra year to get my masters I have to do Text linguistics. According to the UWE website, the main topics that will be covered in the module are:  *Stylistic variation *Language in the media *Professional registers of the language (the linguistic characteristics of legal text will be examined in detail). *Textual cohesion. Linguistic features? Legal text? Examine? In detail? Oh my god, I’m officially doomed!

Under attack!

For many years there were only two types of moth in my world. The big scary ones that like to attack unsuspecting people who dare to have the light on and the window open at the same time and those (presumably quite small) ones that like to eat clothes and are the reason people in old books smell of moth balls. Nobody in modern books ever seems to use moth balls, and I’ve never met anyone in real life who does either. Have clothes moths become extinct maybe? Or does everything we wear have built in moth protection these days? … Anyway, as I was saying… two types of moth…. Well, here in Germany I’ve discovered a new kind of moth. This kind lives wherever food is stored and likes to attack dry foods, like flour, sugar, rice… If you come into the kitchen to find your rice all stuck together and something that looks slightly like cobwebs around the top of the box you’ve probably got food moths. Either that or a spider has decided to make its home in your cupboard. The only solution to food moths is to keep anything that might attract them in moth proof containers. Tupperware tubs are good for this. Washed out icecream tubs work too.

My floor is currently infested with these moths. No idea where they’re coming from, but they’re there. So last night I went into my kitchen in search of food. I opened the cupboard and whoosh – two little moths came flying towards my cupboard at the speed of light. Aarrggh! Instantly going into panic mode, I slammed the cupboard door and ran to the middle of the kitchen where they couldn’t get me. The idea of a moth, even a little food one, touching me is terrifying! Miraculously I had actually managed to shut the cupboard door in time, so instead of going in the moths were hovering round the door, probably making plans to creep in through some tiny gap next to the hinges while I wasn’t looking. Well, I wasn’t going to let them do that, was I? So I grabbed a newspaper from the table and went on a moth killing spree. WHACK! Take that you evil, scary creature! BASH! Get away from my foooood! WALLOP! Die beast, die!

And now every time I look in my cupboard I expect to see Moths 2 – The Revenge. That’s the one where all the friends and relatives of the moths I killed try to avenge their deaths by invading my cupboard and flying out at me in huge clouds next time I go to make food. *Shudder* I’m doooomed. Doooomed I tell you, doooooooomed!