Back to reality

I really need to stop eating the sweets I got for Christmas. I had so much chocolate yesterday I’m surprised I wasn’t sick. I also had fruit pastilles, crisps and a twix. I am officially a pig. Maybe I should have put something about getting fit on the list of resolutions, cos at this rate I’m serious danger of becoming as big as a beached whale. Hmmm.

Anyway, I go back to work tomorrow. This shouldn’t really come as a shock to me. It has been pretty much inevitable since the day I finished for Christmas. I think my subconcious must have been shielding me from it or something. Then last night the barrier broke and I lay awake for hours dreading it, despite the fact that I still have today to mentally prepare myself.
In case you hadn’t guessed by now I don’t actually want to go back. I’m afraid that I’m going to have forgotten how to do everything, that I’ll make the same mistakes as last year. I know I should think positive, and I have been trying but the little man inside me head keeps screaming things like “remember when they told you you have no social competence” and “what are you going to do when you run out of work then? You never did figure that one out, did you?”. Ugh, shut up little man! Also, my internship is due to end on 31st January. That’s 18 working days (I just counted on the calendar). Right now I’m still torn between praying they offer me a real job after that so that I know I have a job to go to and hoping they don’t want me to stay because I’m not sure I’d be able to cope with working there for another year or two.  Obviously if they do offer me a job I get to decide whether to take it or not, but I’m not sure I have much choice really. I have to work somewhere and it’s not like I’m drowning in job offers.

Oh well, there’s no point in worrying about it now. My first assessed piece for uni is due in soon and I haven’t even started it yet.
Oh yes, and, for the second day in a row, it’s snowing! It almost never snows in Karlsruhe! Must get out there later and take some photos…

Well, I made it through Monday…

I was dreading going to work this morning. Actually I feel I should write it like this: Dreading. With a capital D. I actually felt physically sick. I spent half my tram ride trying to figure out all the things I could possibly do wrong so I could make sure I didn’t do it. The only reason I didn’t spend the whole journey worrying is because by the time we got to the train station I’d managed to calm down enough to at least read my book.
Pathetic isn’t it? As it is I didn’t end up doing anything wrong… at least that I’m aware of. But then what do I know? Up until two weeks ago I thought I was doing well…

So, I didn’t get into any trouble at work today, but there has been a new rule intoduced.
Since I started my internship, they’ve let me go early on a Friday afternoon, usually around 4:30pm. Only if things were quiet, of course. Judging by the fact that everybody leaves then I assume it’s because they want to start the weekend early too. Today the bosses wife announced that from now on we will be closing at 4pm on Fridays, as long as there’s no urgent work that needs doing. But to make up for the lost time we are to stay until 5:15 every other day of the week. I haven’t quite decided what to make of this yet. Do you think it would be cynical of me to think they’re not just trying to be nice and give us an extra hour of weekend? Answers on the back of a copy of “Teach Yourself How to Read Your Bosses Mind” (OK, that one probably doesn’t exist but it really, really should).

I’m off to make tea now. Hopefully I’ll be back tomorrow with something new to talk about. ‘Cause I’m really not liking the way work is starting to take over this blog…
By the way, has anyone else have wondered why they call it work-life balance, as if work were a separate entity rather than just another part of life? I don’t know about you but I find that thought incredibly depressing.