Don’t worry, the title of this post has nothing to do with my mental status. I mean it entirely literally…
I was most upset the other day when I got up the other morning and had to switch the light to see into my wardrobe. Admittedly it was 6 a.m., but still, it’s been ages since I’ve had to do that! And suddenly it occurred to me that Autumn is on its way. Despite the fact that we’ve barely even had summer yet. This week the sun has finally decided to come out, but instead of nice summer days the temperature decide to leap from about 12°C (toooo cold for summer) straight to 35°C. Throw in the fact that my place of work is basically a corrugated iron extension to another building, complete with lovely tin (well, some kind of metal) roof and no air conditioning and you can imagine how fun work has been! And of course the second the weekend arrived the temperature dropped and the heavens opened again. Murphy’s Law strikes again!
Part of the reason the coming of Autumn is such a shock is probably because we haven’t had a summer holiday this year. We did spend a week in England at the beginning of August, but a visit to my dad’s doesn’t really feel like a holiday… not to me anyway, maybe it’s different for Jan. And it especially doesn’t feel like a holiday when the main reason for going is to attend a wedding. I’ve actually been invited to another one on 2 September, but neither the bank balance nor the work situation will allow it. I will be getting a holiday soon enough though. Four days in Paris in October for my brother’s 21st. It really will be Autumn then! And if time keeps flying the way it has been this year it will be here in no time.
I haven’t been able to blog in ages.
I had a crazily busy evil monster of a week during which I managed to work three hours of overtime despite leaving two hours early on the Friday to catch a flight… or rather two flights becuase there aren’t any direct ones from here to Newcastle. This was followed by a week in England that was equally as busy, but filled with much nicer things than customer demands and looming deadlines.
The main reason we flew to England was for a friend’s wedding, which my sister had previously been referring to as “the wedding of the century”. She had a point! the planning seemed to have been going on for decades. It’s going to be strange not having the regular Facebook updates now it’s all over! The bride even asked me last year whether I would absolutely, definitely 100% be attending – something I couldn’t promise that far in advance! And my sister was chief bridesmaid so she was right in the thick of it… going to wedding fairs, arranging hen nights (yes, plural!) and generally running round like a loon. I think it was all worth it though. The big day went off with no major glitches, the bride looked absolutley beautiful (as did the bridesmaids) and the couple looked happy enough to burst. It must be nice to know that you’ve found the love of your life and that they actually feel the same way too.
The reception was held at The Vermont Hotel, in Newcastle – rather posh with four stars! it’s right next to the Castle Keep (all that remains of the castle that gave the city its name) so some beautiful photos were taken there. Lunch – if you can even still call a meal that isn’t served til 4pm lunch! – was roast pork with crackling which I adore and which did not disappoint – it was delicious! As was the chocolate brownie that followed it. The buffet at the evening reception, on the other hand, was a letdown – although the chocolate fountain made up for it. All in all, a good time was had by all. Including the most important people – the bride and groom.
A girl I used to work with got married on the same day, and a week earlier I missed the wedding of another of my dad’s cousins (my colleague was off that week becuase of her birthday, so I couldn’t have time off as well), so it was wedding bells all round in July. My one and only male colleague’s wife went into hospital yesterday to give birth to their child, so we’re all awaiting news on that with bated breath (or at least I am – for all I know the others have already spoken to him) and I found out recently that a very good friend from university days is pregnant. And so the never ending cycle of weddings and pregnancies and births continues, while I quietly slip closer to the age of no return*…
*I turn 28 on Saturday. Only 2 years til the big 3-0! How the hell did that happen? This year has sneaked up on me…
I know I promised to blog more after I received my prolific blogger award, and I’ve been meaning to post for nearly two weeks, but as you can tell I’ve failed utterly miserably. I just don’t have time to blog. Between all the overtime I’ve been doing lately (so many big jobs, so little time), the course I’m doing on Saturday mornings (10 finger typing course, bot interesting enough to write about) and all the usual cooking, attempting to spend time with my boyfriend and occasionally actually cleaning the flat, my poor blog just hasn’t had a chance. Sigh.
Soo, I’ve just found out a girl I used to be pretty good friends with, and whose family are friends of my family, is pregnant. Another one to add to the list. Currently I only know three people who are expecting, the fewest it’s been for a while. And another friend got married last week (an ex-boyfriend as it happens), which necessiated the sending of a gift to England. All these babies and weddings are going to bankrupt me! Baby clothes are so cute though, and it’s not like I’m going to be able to buy any for a child of my own for a while… or possibly ever, so there is a silver lining I suppose.
I had a meeting at work today. The bosses are happy with my work, I was expressly thanked for putting in overtime last week and I got a positive response from a customer the other day (usually we only get feedback when someone wants to complain, so it was a nice surprise). So all is good on the unemployment front. And in 23 days I’m off on my holidays. Good times 🙂 The only cloud on the horizon is that Jan is away this weekend with his choir, and I’ve barely seen him all week as it is. It’s only a small cloud though, and we’ll have plenty of time to make up for it once our holidays start. The countdown starts now…
Work was pretty good today, but busy. Very, very busy. It’s only Tuesday and already I’m exhausted! So instead of doing some washing (which was my plan for tonight) I’ve spent the last 20 minutes ordering books from Amazon as a “treat” to myself (for what I’m not sure). This Internet shopping malarkey is really bad for my bank balance! But on the plus side it means I’m actually getting somewhere with one of my goals… I’m up to 9 books read from the never-ending list (5 of them in January… no wonder the past month seems to have flown by without me even noticing – I’ve apparantly spent most of it with my nose in a book!) plus one German children’s book, whcih I am counting towards the 101 things list even though I technically read it for my dissertation and not because I desperately wanted to read a book by Eric Kästner. I really need to start reading some non-fiction books though… I’ve been saying for ages that I want to. Instead I find myself going through my Amazon recommendations, adding even more books to the list (can you believe the boyfriend actually has the never to tell me he finds it difficult to choose birthday and Christmas presents for me? There’s a ready-made list full of the perfect gifts just sitting, waiting for him to pay attention to it!). I failed on the monthly photo theme again (maybe 50 photos was a little too ambitious?) so it’s good to know I’ve managed to get somewhere with something…
I’ve also started to get back into cross stitch lately. A few weeks ago I picked up a project that I stopped working on months ago and I’ve come surprisingly far since then. It was supposed to be a birthday present for Jan’s mum in 2008! Hopefully I’ll actually manage to get it to her this year. I have until November, which should be do-able as long as I don’t stop again…
Ooh, and I’ve just realised, the package that arrived for me today is probably another cross stitch kit that I ordered… a wedding sampler for one of the couples I know who are taking the plunge (Yes, you read that right. I said one of the couples. There are a few…) I hope it is – I’m really looking forward to getting started on that one.
Jan and I will have been together six years next month. Six whole years! I was practically still a kid when we got together. In those six years we’ve gone from being “in a relationship” to “in a long distance relationship” and then back to where we started. While every other relationship I was aware of has either moved on or ended we seem to have come to a complete standstill. Of course there have been changes in both of our lives, but they seem to have only happened to us as individuals, at different times as if we were two entirely separate entities who just happen to know one another (well, obviously we are two separate entities but you’d think there would be some mutual stuff in a relationship as well, right?)
So while all my friends are moving in together, buying houses, getting engaged, exchanging vows and having babies the two of us have moved out of our student residence and got our first flats separately, attended engagement parties and weddings as “boyfriend and girlfriend” (in what seems to me is the same sense of boyfriend and girlfriend that is uttered by 15 year olds) and bought dozens of gifts for other people’s children.
It’s not like I even want to get married and have babies at this stage in my life. I don’t even particularly want to get engaged yet. But it would be nice to feel like some day it might be my turn. What I would like is for us to get a flat together. I mean, I adore my flat, it’s the first place I’ve ever lived that was truly mine and it really is a nice place but only being able to have my boyfriend with my for some of the time… well, it gets a little lonely sometimes. I want to be able to wake up beside him every day (not just when he happens to be staying at mine). I want to know I’ll see him in the evening without having to ask. I want a bed that’s not mine, but ours. Is that really too much to ask?
Sometimes I’ll find myself trying to work out reasons why he might not want to live with me, despite the fact that he tells me he dosn’t even know why. But it’s as if I need to have a cause so I can start trying to fix it. A while ago I got the idea into my head that once I had a proper job he would want to stay with me. Except then I found a proper job, moved into a flat (by myself), lost my proper job again and found a new one… and I’m still living alone. Now I occasionally think that maybe once I’ve got through my probation period things might start to happen. Then there was the time that I decided I needed to give him a reason to come home to me every night, so I started making sure tea was ready when he came home and he always had something clean to wear. He tells me he likes cooking with me though, so I guess that one’s backfired. A recurring theme (and something that I guess is always is that back of my mind) is thinking that he doesn’t want to live with me because he’s seen the state that my flat gets into, so every few months I’ll make a vow to myself to keep on top of the housework. Unfortunately, as I keep telling you (I am the proverbial stuck record!) my housewifely skills leave much to be desired. So I’ll clean and tidy the entire flat once and manage to wash the dishes immediately after we eat for maybe three days in a row, but then I get bored and the thought of the dishes waiting for me in the kitchen just makes me want to cry, and so I stop and once again Jan has to come home to a messy kitchen once again.
In my more logical moments I realise that whether he wants to live with me or not doesn’t depend on my job or my cooking or how tidy I am, but my logical moments are few and far between. Before long the crazy catches up with me again and I start obsessively cleaning the kitchen and dreaming up new and interesting dishes to win over my man’s heart (because we all know the way to that is through the stomach). And so it goes on, over and over again.
Sigh I know nobody said relationships were easy, but I wish someone had warned me it would be this hard…
*Title blatantly stolen from the song The Other Side of the World by KT Tunstall
After 5 months of unlocking my mailbox every single day (except for Sundays) only to disover that, most of the time, there’s nothing in it anyway, I realised today that there are 3 little windows in the bottom so you can see whether there’s anything inside or not. Why has it taken me since March to notice this? Clearly I am a fool.
Also, for the past hour I’ve been trying to make an origami star, like this. The author of the article says “they are quite easy (for origami) but I don’t think I’d try them with children under 10”. Well, I don’t know about 10 year olds but I certainly can’t fold the bloody things. Even my pentagon shaped, flattened knot thingy doesn’t look anything like the one in the picture, and that’s before I’ve even done any folding. So once again I prove that any creative/artistic genes that may exist in my family were clearly not passed on to me…
And, I spent 20 euros on a wedding present today then another 6 euros to send it to England. The same friend is having a baby in January, as is the son of friends of the family (well, obviously he’s not) and an old school friend is getting married in October. Then there’s a whole bunch of babies due in January and another 3 (so far) weddings taking place next year. I wish people would stop getting married and having babies already… my bank balance can’t take much more of this!
I could write as well as I thought I could when I was 10
I knew what I wanted from life
I could get my Master’s without having to write a thesis
My flat would clean itself
I understood the German tax system well enough to start working as a freelance translator (I have to do taxes every month for the first year? What?! But I can’t even remember to do my taxes at the end of each financial year!)
Crumpets existed in Germany
… and Hula Hoops and Heinz Cream of Chicken Soup and Red Leicester Cheese