A mini breakdown… and a potential breakthrough

An hour ago, Jan called me to let me know that he’s not going to mak it home before the early hours of the morning (he’s working on a paper, deadline midnight and needs access to the computers at work to run the tests he wants to write about). He’s been working on the paper for about a week now, so I wasn’t really expecting him home at a sensible time tonight, but the fact that he actually bothered to call put a huge smile on my face. While this may not seem like a big deal to many of you, his not calling is exactly the kind of thing we disagree on. We’ve agreed that, once our evening meal is ready, I won’t wait around too long for him, but will eat alone leaving his portion for him to heat up later, and while this means I get to eat at a sensible time, when he neither calls nor shows up I can’t help but feel it’s a case of out of sight, out of mind. He, on the other hand, says it’s not that he never thinks of me when I’m not there, he just loses track of time and it doesn’t occur to him that I’ll be cooking tea already. So him calling me as early as 6 o’clock is nothing short of a miracle.

This comes on the heels of a bit of a mini breakdown on my part yesterday. I have to admit, I have slightly crap timing – Jan was actually doing some work for the aforementioned paper at the time and was about to get ready to go and meet his choir for a warm up before a festival they were performing at. But after being ignored by him nearly all morning, then catching him on a forum rather than actually working on the paper, I burst into tears, told him I wouldn’t be coming to his festival and stormed off for a shower. Yeah… it’s not exactly something I’m proud of. But… we talked, Jan said he had noticed my getting rid of things and preparing to move, and he does want me to stay, he just doesn’t know what he can do to make me want to do so, especially since he still can’t see his way to offering me any kind of long term commitment. And I told him it’ not like I’m looking for a marriage proposal… or even a commitment to stay with me forever without a bit of paper, but I want to feel that he’s at least willing to give us a proper try, not just drift along the way we have been doing. So, he has promised to try and show me that I am important to him, even if he can’t make a decision to save his life and I’ve promised to communicate more, and let him know what’s actually bothering me rather than saving it all up and letting everything out out once. That method only leads to arguments… and tears (mine, not his). So back we go, for another try. But he has said he wants me to stay… which isn’t quite the major decision I’ve been hoping for, but I feel it is a breakthrough, of sorts. Baby steps… And today, at least I get to go to bed happy.

Little snippets

We have been doing stuff recently, but not enough to make up a whole blog post. Nevertheless, I promised to post more this year, so here are some little snippets from my life for you.

First of all, to the person who found my blog yesterday by searching for the term “German shopping blog”… sorry, but you’ve definitely come to the wrong place. Can you imagine anything further removed from my ramblings than a shopping blog? πŸ˜€ And now to the snippets…

Yesterday we came third in the pub quiz. At the last one, three weeks ago, we were first. Go us! The team that usually come first did really badly last time and left before the results were announced, knowing they weren’t getting a prize anyway. Talk about sore losers! This time they came second and didn’t seem happy about it at all. I would never have thought someone could pull such a long face after winning a round of drinks!

Jan’s dad turned 60 last Thursday, so at the weekend we headed up to Lower Saxony for his birthday party. It was a bit weird at first seeing as I barely knew anybody (only the 3 or 4 family members who were there), and Jan kept going off to talk to family friends he hadn’t seen in years, but I ended up having a great conversation with his dad’s neighbour, so that was nice. Also, Jan’s cousin brought her daughter along, who is almost one and who we had only seen in photos until now. She’s incredibly cute and was so well behaved! Even when she was getting tired there was no major tantrum – she just cried briefly, then as soon as she was in the sling on her mother’s front she went to sleep. If I ever have children, I hope they’re just as lovely.

At the end of April, Jan and I went to Ettlingen (next town over) to se some English folk music. A duo called Broom Bezzums was playing, who we had seen by complete coincidence in Ludwigshafen a couple of years ago. One of them is from the same area of England as I am, so it was nice to have a bit of a chat with him when he was signing my CD during the interval. They were followed by a second act – an Irish group called Beoga – who I didn’t enjoy as much (they were good musicians, but after a while everything started to sound the same), but we were only there for Broom Bezzums really so that was okay. The second act was just an added bonus.

On 1 May (which was a public holiday in Germany) I met up with some colleagues to go to a performance by the University of Mannheim’s English Theatre. They put on Black Comedy, which was hilarious and very well acted (in my opinion). We also went to Heidelberg to see the King’s Singers in AprilΒ  (apparantly the best A Capella choir in the world – says the boyfriend who is into that kind of thing and who I bought the tickets for as an anniversary present) so I’ve been very cultural recently. And I bet you’re all really impressed πŸ˜‰

And just generally, life is good at the moment. Jan and I are getting on really well and have been enjoying spending time together just doing nothing (almost unheard of for Jan – he usually wants to watch a film, play Scrabble, read a book… anything but just sit and have a cup of tea and not have to be involved in any other activity). And I’ve been able to (almost) stop worrying about doing/saying the wrong thing and causing an argument. Strangely, knowing that our relationship could be over by January has made me less afraid that it could end suddenly the minute I do something Jan doesn’t like. I’m sure a psychologist would be able to give me a really good explanation for that, but honestly I’d prefer not to go there. I’m just enjoying being happy while it lasts.

Blogging fail

I know I promised to blog more after I received my prolific blogger award, and I’ve been meaning to post for nearly two weeks, but as you can tell I’ve failed utterly miserably. I just don’t have time to blog. Between all the overtime I’ve been doing lately (so many big jobs, so little time), the course I’m doing on Saturday mornings (10 finger typing course, bot interesting enough to write about) and all the usual cooking, attempting to spend time with my boyfriend and occasionally actually cleaning the flat, my poor blog just hasn’t had a chance. Sigh.

Soo, I’ve just found out a girl I used to be pretty good friends with, and whose family are friends of my family, is pregnant. Another one to add to the list. Currently I only know three people who are expecting, the fewest it’s been for a while. And another friend got married last week (an ex-boyfriend as it happens), which necessiated the sending of a gift to England. All these babies and weddings are going to bankrupt me! Baby clothes are so cute though, and it’s not like I’m going to be able to buy any for a child of my own for a while… or possibly ever, so there is a silver lining I suppose.

I had a meeting at work today. The bosses are happy with my work, I was expressly thanked for putting in overtime last week and I got a positive response from a customer the other day (usually we only get feedback when someone wants to complain, so it was a nice surprise). So all is good on the unemployment front. And in 23 days I’m off on my holidays. Good times πŸ™‚ The only cloud on the horizon is that Jan is away this weekend with his choir, and I’ve barely seen him all week as it is. It’s only a small cloud though, and we’ll have plenty of time to make up for it once our holidays start. The countdown starts now…

Happiness is…

So this evening I was going to blog about how I’m ridiculously tired (again) and this week seems to be going on forever and how unfair it is that the boyfriend is now away until Monday(!) but then I saw this list of stuff to be happy about over at Sleepyjane’s which she wrote as part of this competition by Little Miss Firefly and I thought why not cheer myself up by making my own list (plus I really wanted to be in the competition because the prize is truly fantastic. Seriously – go check it out).
So instead of another boring moan here’s a little bit of sunshine for everyone who’s suffering from the February greys…

Happiness is…

– Meeting friends for coffee, especially friends that you haven’t seen in a while
– Watching forked lighting from insid the house where it’s nice and dry
– Waking up with my boyfriend beside me
– Coming into the kitchen at work just in time to hear a song I like on the radio
– Hearing some (possibly) good news about a flat
– Waking up stupidly early then realising it’s Saturday and I don’t have to go to work
– Finding the perfect gift for somebody and actually having the money to buy it
– The look on that persons face when you give them said gift
– Chocolate brownies for breakfast
– The first daffodils of the year
– Finding incredibly cute cups that are only 75 cents each in the sale and buying them even though I have more cups than I will ever be able to drink out of
– A mailbox full of post, none of which is bills
– Fluffy socks
– A large cup of chai tea and a good book
– Watching Button Moon on Youtube and realising it actually was a good programme and I didn’t just think so because I was about five years old at the time
– A nice hot shower – and no need to rush to be on time for work

Now you tell me yours.

Happy Friday

I only worked for 5 hours today. Yes, you read that right. Five! And half an hour of that was lunch break. First I was told to come in an hour late so that a colleague could use my computer to proofread a translation I did (complicated story involving different versions of software and documents that can’t be printed) then I was sent home at 2:30pm. All I’d been doing since I arrived was more copying and pasting, so the bosses wife said once I was done with the German I could just go home and leave the English til Monday. Yippee!

Anyway, I saw this music meme over at sleepyjane‘s blog and I wanted to give it a go. Basically you put your mp3 player (or in my case computer playlist cos the mp3 player has no battery) on shuffle and complete each sentence with the song that comes on. Could be fun…

My alter ego is: Scattered (by Green Day)
When I’m in the shower I sing: Trucks and Trains (by Alkaline Trio)
My day will be like:
Bitch (by Meredith Brookes – ooer, I hope not! It’s been good so far…)
When I’m drunk I say: Tell Me Ten Words (by Idlewild)
Somewhere in my wedding vows I will include:
Perfect One (by Lit – wow, that’s actually quite appropriate. I swear I didn’t cheat!)
My makeout song is:
Stop Crying Your Heart Out (by Oasis – errm, ok then :-/)
My deepest secret is: Apple Shampoo (by Blink 182)
Next time I’m in front of a crowd I’ll say: Drop Dead Gorgeous (by Republica)
Highschool was like: Is This Thing On (by Less Thank Jake)
At my funeral they will play: Numb (by Linkin Park)
If I reached the top of mount everest I would scream: I Don’t Know (by Bowling for Soup – lol, good answer πŸ˜‰ )
My ultimate song for dancing is: Steamer Trunk (by Alkaline Trio)
What makes me happy is: Happy in the Meantime (by Lit)
To cheer myself up I: Locking up the Sun (by Poets of the Fall)
The best thing about me is: Chasing Cars (by Snow Patrol)
I’ll have a good day if I can just hear: 1989 (by Less Than Jake)
My last words will be: I Miss You (by Incubus)
My best friend is like: Be Like That (by 3 Doors Down)
What I did last night was: I Wanna Go Where the People Go (by The Wildhearts)
My theme song is: Look What Happened (by Less Than Jake)
The story of my life is: Superman (It’s Not Easy) (by Five for Fighting)
At my wedding they will play: You Were Right (by Badly Drawn Boy)
My favourite thing to do is: Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night (by Bon Jovi)
Happiness is: Denial. Revisited (by The Offspring – gosh, that’s a bit depressing isn’t it)
I often think about: If I Had a Million Dollars (by Barenaked Ladies – hahaha)
My best friend always says: Hey There Delilah (by Plain White T’s)
This is what I want to be when I grow up: Crawling in the Dark (by Hoobastank)
My biggest fear is: Swallowed in the Sea (by Coldplay)

This is how I feel today: For Me This is Heaven (by Less Than Jake)

OK, that’s it. I’m not going to tag anyone specific, but if you’d like to do it too go ahead πŸ™‚

Greetings from Jamaica… I mean Germany

Wow, I seem to have done nothing but complain in my blogs lately. I’ve got a headaaaache, my boyfriend is lying in my bed with a hangover, the nasty people kept me awake all night… moan, moan, moan.Β  You wouldn’t think it, but actually I’m really happy at the moment. I’m liking the new job, I have a wonderful boyfriend who comes over late at night to look after me when I have sunstroke. Everything’s great. But none of the good stuff is worth writing about. I shall try to make an effort to be more cheerful though – I don’t want complete strangers thinking I’m a grumpy cow do I? The fact that I am is irrelevant… total strangers don’t need to know that πŸ˜‰

So the weather is very odd today. It’s 27 degrees outside… and it’s raining. It’s a bit like being in some tropical country, except it’s actually Karlsruhe and it’s really not tropical at all. But if I closed my eyes and ignored all the people speaking German it would be almost like being in Jamaica. Sort of. I’m hoping the heat will stay and the rain will be blown away to somewhere else by Saturday. I’m having a picnic in the Schlosspark (castle gardens) and I would prefer not to celebrate my 25th birthday sitting in a puddle eating a soggy bread roll while water drips off my nose. It would be slightly depressing and far too much like being in England.

Wow, how much of a sterotypical Brit am I? Always talking about the weather…

Confessing…

After blogging just the other day about how unfair it is that all the shops are having their summer sales and I have no money to buy anything I now have to make a confession.
Today I broke down and went and bought myself something.

It’s all the fault of Tally Weijl (Pleeease don’t ask me how to pronounce that. I have no idea. My German colleagues have no idea. The shop is Swiss, their language is weird.) Like all the other shops, Tally Weijl are currently having an end-of-summer sale, a fact that I only noticed today. As far as I’m concerend Tally Weijl sales are just plain amazing. The normal prices of their clothes are ridiculous. 19 euros for a T-shirt! Who in their right mine would pay that? But their sales are another story. I’ve seen clothes in Tally Weijl for 5 euros that started off being 30. Last year I bought a skirt from there that had originally been 20 euros. It’s long. It’s blue. It has bits gold bands around it with coloured embroidery and sequins and beads. I call it my gypsy skirt, because that’s what it reminds me of. My description probably makes it sound terrible, like a lurid whirl of colours all mashed together. But it’s really, really not. It’s beautiful. It may actually be my favourite item of clothing. And I found it in Tally Wijl last year reduced to 5 euros. I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. Then I took it to the counter and was told it had been reduced again… to 3 euros. In English money that would be 2 euros and 10 cents. Just over 2 euros for a gorgeous skirt! See, Tally Weihl sales are amazing! So when I saw the sale signs all over their windows today I just had to go in.

Now not all of Tally Weijl’s clothes are amazing. Some are just plain weird. Others I suspect I might have liked when I was 15, but these days I’m slightly too old for them. But then they have the odd item like me amazing skirt thrown in their to make it worth my while going in. Today I bought a blue and white tie die vest top with adjustable straps and a plain reddish orange top with three quarter length sleeves that will be perfect for work. Both items cost 3 euros. I think I can justify spending six euros (a little over 4 pounds) on a present for myself. And if it means spending slightly less on food this month, so what. It’s worth it to feel as happy as I do now.

In other news, the contract for my new internship has arrived. I just have to sign it and send it back then I will officially have a new job.
Life is looking pretty good right now.