In which I prove I’m British by talking about the weather… again

So last night I was sitting in my room writing a letter – yes, some of still do that! – when suddenly I heard a loud drumming sound above me. Yep, you’ve guessed it, it had started to rain and being on the top floor I could hear it landing on the roof. Rain seems a little weak a term for this stuff though – it was so loud that I actually went and looked out of the window to check that it really was just water falling from the sky and not… I don’t know… ice? Bits of rock? Small children? And then it started to thunder. I’m sure you can imagine I didn’t get much sleep last night. Stupid weather. It seems we only got the tail end of the storm though – in Baden-Baden they had winds of 100km an hour (please don’t ask me what that is in miles!) and hail stones, at least so the local news has been telling me all day. (The boss and his wife have gone on holiday so we had the radio on at work… with local news reports every hour and a preview of what they’re going to tell us on the hour half an hour before).

And then there was today.
There is a tram that leaves the stop next to where I work at 2 minutes past the hour. If I leave exactly on the hour I can just about make the tram. That’s how close the stop is. So today I left work, carefully locking the door behind me, and stepped out into the world. By the time I reached the stop I was soaked… and I mean really soaked, to the extent that water from my hair was dripping down my neck and my trousers were practically falling down because they’d become so much heavier than usual. And that within two minutes. I know I’ve said this before but… how can anyone claim we’re not messing up our planet? Weather patterns like this just aren’t normal people!

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If the BBC says it it must be true… right?

I was reading the news last night on the BBC website. I like to do that occasionally to find out what’s going on back home. So I clicked my way through to the “Tyne” section and came across the headline “Beach closed in pollution scare”. This was followed by the words “A popular Northumberland beach has been closed to the public after a mysterious oily substance was discovered”
Popular beach? Northumberland? Where might that be? I wondered. Cresswell maybe, or Alnwick. Intrigued I clicked on the headline and read the first sentence of the article: “Council officials called in Environment Agency experts after tennis ball size globules of a viscous black substance appeared on Cambois beach on Thursday” Cambois beach. Cambois?? Popular?? What? SInce when? Ok, people walk their dogs there, but that’s only because the people in Cambois have nowhere else to walk their dogs. We’re talking about a village that doesn’t even have a corner shop for goodness sake. The standng joke about Cambois beach is “if you go in the water you’ll come out green with extra limbs”. That’s what the local people think of Cambois beach. And as for pollution scares. Well… when was Cambois beach not polluted? It’s been full of coal dust for years! Huh! So much for the BBC. Next they’ll be telling me Stakeford is a popular tourist resort.

I then read an article about a Chinese couple who were murdered in Newcastle. Apparantly police suspect they may have been involved in various scams. Possible motive forthe murder perhaps? The plot thickens, as the saying goes. The article then goes on to say “the body of a cat, which had been drowned and hidden in a washing bowl underneath the bathroom sink, was probably killed by the couple’s murderer, said police”. So after killing the Chinese couple, the murderers then went on to drown the body of a cat? Wow, talk about overkill!

Do you think the BBC have proofreaders??