Not much is so much more than nothing

Thank you all for your replies to my last post. Especially Hails, who is so much more eloquent than me, and hit the nail right on the head. You said exactly what I was trying to, in less words and without sounding bitter/whiney/insert other adjective here.

Apologies for the lack of individual replies. Despite having a four-day weekend (thank you Easter!) I failed to find the time to return to my blog. And now another week has gone by, it’s Friday again and I still haven’t found the time to reply to your comments, or to catch up on all the blogs I actually do want to read, or even to do the dishes. Although, perhaps that’s not strictly true. There are four hours between when I arrive back in Karlsruhe after work and the time I go to bed, and to be honest I have no idea what I do withhose hours. Yes, I have to do the shopping and cook the tea, but surely those things don’t take up 4 whole hours? And so my life moves on, with week days spent at work, and the evenings being used to get nothing done, and the weekend being the time for catching up on the housework and the washing and all the other things that have been on my to-do list since the previous weekend. And suddenly another week has gone by. The next time I look up it’s a month. I’m afraid if I blink too often it will be Christmas! Surely there must be more to life than this? Work, work, work then rush to catch up on the cleaning.

The other day a Facebook friend (a relative, actually) was complaining that she’s going to be turning 29 soon. I wanted to write back “Yes, but you’re almost 29 with a husband and a daughter”. I’m almost 28 and presumably never going to be a wife or mother. Other people my age have been travelled. There was a phase a couple of years ago where everyone was off on “world trips”. Australia, New Zealand, Thailand… all the exotic far away places. My sister went to South Africa for six months, met a guy out there who then moved to England and became a British citizen for her. I only made it as far as Germany. While other people are either settling down or enjoying their freedom, I’m busy just existing. But then I look at some of the people I went to school with. Still living in the small town where they were born, with two or three kids, living only for the weekend when they can find a babysitter and go and get drunk again. And I think maybe I have achieved something after all. Germany is further than nowhere. I have a job I love and that I’m actually good at. That’s something to be proud of. And then I feel guilty because I have so much. So why can’t it just be enough? What will it take for me to accept that I can’t have everything I want? (And we’re back to self pity, which is just one of the many things about me that I really need to change. Get over yourself Bev!!!)

(Title of this post shamelessly stolen from the Tina Dico song One, because it fit so well.)

Give me something to do

I’ve been in an odd mood all day today. I think maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m exhausted… an early start on Monday plus a couple of bad night’s sleep are the culprits. So nothing has changed in the new year then. My train home was delayed, then as soon as I arrived back in Karlsruhe I went into town to transfer some money and do the shopping. By the time I got home all I could do was put the shopping away and make tea (which is now eaten). Only 11 days into the new year and I already feel like my entire life consists of nothing but work and what would be called chores if I wasn’t all growed up (I spent most of the weekend doing housework!). It’s like ground hog day, except that my version is at least broken up by weeknds. Perhaps I’m living a ground hog week instead? Except that in my version time actually progresses, it’s just me that’s stuck in a loop. I think I need a new hobby. Something productive that will make me feel like I’m actually doing something – but nothing that feels too much like work. Ideas anyone?

Home alone again

Most people who haven’t seen their other halves for 5 days can’t wait to get back and see them again.
Unfortunately, my boyfriend is not most people. Which is why, despite the fact that he came back from Vienna today, I’m spending the night alone, again. It seems putting the washing machine on is way more important than seeing your girlfriend.
I suppose I should just be grateful he didn’t bring the laundry over for me to do. Oh yes, there really is a bright side to everything…

Remind me why I spent 25 euros on a king size quilt then another 30 on a sheet and pillowcases when 90% of the time I’m the only one sleeping in my bed anyway? Come to think of it, why did I even waste my money on a double bed? If I’d got a single one I might have been able to afford a sofa as well…

Oh, and I’m fairly sure I’ve failed my photo challenge for the third month in a row. Which makes me wonder whether there’s even any point in continuing with this 1001 days thing. I probably will though. Because I’m stubborn like that.

I swear I used to have a life…

Shall I tell you what I did today?
I took a train to Mannheim, bought a tram ticket so I won’t have to waste time doing it on Monday morning… then I took the next train back. This is perfectly normal behaviour, right?
Oh, and last night – and please bear in mind that it was Friday – I was in bed by 8:30pm. Admittedly that was mostly because my living room is freezing (usually when I’m alone I end up playing on the Internet til 3am), but still… I’m fairly sure as an unmarried and unchildrened 26 year old I should have been out partying or something. Instead I was at home, alone, in bed with only a science text book for company.
I don’t suppose any of my readers feel like moving to Germany and befriending me for real?!