That time of week again…

It seems it’s Wednesday again. I’m not sure how mind – wasn’t it only just last Wednesday? Like right before I blinked my eyes? Hmm, well it seems the world is continuing to spin on its axis even if my brain can’t keep up and it is, indeed, Wednesday again. And that can only mean one thing… Question time!
Here we go.

1. Would I die if I boiled washing up liquid?
Yes, definitely. A horrible, painful death brought on by the poisonous fumes of evaporated washing up liquid. Either that or you’d be murdered by the next person to use the kettle. It’s just not worth it.

2. What is the name of my future boyfriend?
Ezekial Alexander Timothy Simmons. Whatever you do don’t call him Eats, or he may not be your future boyfriend after all…

3. Things to write about when bored.
– Purple monkeys
– Chocolate cake
– Spaghetti monsters
– The inhabitants of an imaginary island
– A haunted suitcase

4. How to get rid of a nervous headache.
Aww, the poor thing’s so nervous it had to hide inside your head. Try reading aloud to it from “The Little Book of Confidence”.

5. What to do if you miss the tram.
I suggest you panic. It’s what any sensible person would do. Alternatively you could learn to fly. Or just wait for the next one.

6. What to do when you’re bored of paper.
Go retro and start using a slate instead. They’re about due for a comeback anyway.

7. Is 25 still young enough to be naive?
I certainly hope not, cos if it is I’m screwed.
No, wait, not true. I’m not naive. At least I don’t think I am… am I?
I have to go and listen to the Kooks now – Naive is now playing inside my head and it sounds sooo much better when they do it!

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Question time again

It’s Wednesday. Last Wednesday I did question time. I think I shall do question time again this Wednesday. I have nothing else to blog about (other than the fact that I’m exhausted, missed my tram again, don’t want to study… or go to work tomorrow, etc. etc. if you’re really desperate to read about all that stuff just go through my archives. I’ve written many complainy blogs over the past couple of weeks).
So here are the Google searches that have led people to me blog since this time last week and my silly comments on them. Enjoy.

How to prepare Bratensosse
Bratensosse, for those that don’t know, is the German version of gravy. It’s crap. Every time I’ve had it’s been far too runny, and it tastes weird. I really wouldn’t bother learning to prepare it if I were you. Go and find an English shop and buy some Bisto instead. Trust me, you’ll thank me for it one day. That’s assuming you’re in Germany. If not why would you even have Bratensosse? It’s not normal behaviour…

Plastic Paddington Bear cup
Oooh, do you have one? Does it have a label with “please look after this bear” written on it? Would you like to buy me one for Christmas?

Flowers beginning with B
Bluebell
Buttercup
Bee orchid
Black rose
Butter blossom
Bloomberry
Belldrop
… ok, I may have made the last three up.

Where do cakes take a nap?
In the b(r)e(a)d basket of course.
I’m so clever. Ha.

What to do if I fall asleep on the way home?
Dream I would suggest. I don’t see what else you can do. Unless you’re a sleepwalker. How cool would that be… managing to press the bell and get off the bus at the right stop without even waking up. I bet people in fairy tales can do it…

Wouldn’t mind having lack of sleep
This one’s come up in my statistics twice this week. Twice! On separate days! Are you people insane?
If you want to be tired that badly you’re welcome to take some of my lack of sleep… I’d be happy to exchange it for an extra two hours of rest.

Right, that’s your lot. I couldn’t find any more interesting ones, and the boyfriend will be here soon anyway, which means I need to figure out what we’re having for tea.

Question Time: The Return

I haven’t done one of these for ages. And it’s not like I even have any particularly interesting questions to answer (if it’s interesting questions you’re looking for you need to go here for fascinating facts about shrews and beetroot related pregnancies). I feel my blog is in need of some light hearted entertainment though – and a post that isn’t going to be made private the day after tomorrow – so question time it is…

What is a good skill to learn?
– How to fold the best paper aeroplanes in the world, ever
– The art of keeping spaghetti on the fork
– The best way to keep pot belly pigs
– How to travel round the world without emptying your bank account (if you want to know the answer to this one you need to read Hails‘ blog)
– The art of finding amazing bargains in clothes shops (this is totally a skill, and a very useful one too I might add)

Shall we get up and have a shower?
No, don’t do it! I wouldn’t if I didn’t have to. Sleep is much better! Although if you’ve been lying in bed for the past three days then yes, definitely do get up before your ponginess takes on a life of its own and makes its way over here to offend my nostrils.

Why won’t my boyfriend give me a key?
1. He thinks you’re a nosy cow and doesn’t want you snooping around his place when he’s not there
2. He thinks you’ll lose it
3. He has a terrrible secret that he’s afraid you might discover
4. Giving you a key = making a commitment. He’s a man. Enough said I think.

Tired, lack of sleep
Ooh, is it a game? Can I join in? How about:
Cold, lack of heat
Thirsty, lack of liquid refreshment
Naked, lack of clothes
Hey, this is quite fun…

How do Germans eat strawberries?
Through their noses of course. How do you eat yours?

Were the English army tired or sleepy?
Yes, so tired and sleepy that they sat down to rest for a hundred years. Unfortunately before they could wake up King Jimmy of Scotland decided one throne wasn’t enough for him so he came down and had himself crowned King of England as well. That’s why these days we only have a British army.

Clean things to do when you’re bored
I don’t actually have a good answer to this one, but I just had to share. Who googles this stuff?
Umm, how about taking a shower. That‘s pretty clean… unless you take your significant other in with you of course.

Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies

I decided not to do question time last week since it had been such a slow week on the search engine terms front and there were only about three questions that were worth answering. The seven days since then haven’t been much better, but I don’t have anything else to write about and with the pickings from two weeks I should just about be able to scrape together enough questions for a whole blog post. Plus it might take my mind off the mosquito bite on my ankle (it’s itchy! Aargghhh! Make it stooop!).
Sooo, here goes. Time to answer the latest questions that have led Google readers to Confuzzledom…

1. Did you know the world is going to end?
Oh my gosh, is it really? And there was me thinking it was going to go on forever and ever. Thanks sooo much for spoiling my illusion. Next you’ll be telling me Father Christmas doesn’t exist…

3. Joachim Loew pronounce
So I’m guessing what you actually mean here is “How do you pronounce Joachim Loew”, although if you can’t even get the question right I don’t see why anyone should answer you. Hmph. But since I’m kind…
I wouldn’t even bother with the Joachim part if I were you. Just call him Jogi, all the Germans do. That’s pronounced Yogi by the way. As in the bear. And Loew is pronounced a bit like Lurrrv. Yogi Lurrrv. I bet you’ll never forget that again.

4. 24, what year was I born?
Okay Mr (or Ms.) anonymous googly person. I really don’t believe you’re actually 24. Surely if you were you’d have amanged to figure out what year you were bron by now. This is definitely someone trying to find out which year to out on their fake ID.
But just in case you really are 24 and for some unknown reason have managed to forget your year of birth here’s a tip for you. If you’re going to be 25 before December 31st you were born the same year the Red Hot Chilli Peppers formed. Now go ask Google for the answer to that riddle…

5. Ways to say summer is over.
Sorry, can’t help you there mate. I only know one way to say it and it’s right there in the question. Or do you think just saying “summer is over” is too direct? You could try saying “autum is here” I suppose. I mean, it does kind of imply summer is over. It can’t really be both at the same time…

6. I’ve got a headache could I have drunk
Drunk what? Don’t stop there, I was just starting to get intrigued! Do you think it might have been weedkiller? I don’t – I suspect that might give you a bit more than just a headache. Maybe it was the opposite of a pain killer… like a pain causer. Yeah, I bet that was it. Sshh, don’t tell anyone how you made it though, or we’ll all be wanting some for the days that we don’t feel like going to work…

OK, that’s it. Six measly little questions in two whole weeks. Do you think it’s cos all the kids have gone back to school?