2014 on Confuzzledom

I’m fascinated by blog stats, particularly search terms, which are often hilarious. So here’s a look at my top search terms and most-viewed posts for 2014:

My top posts in 2014:

  1. Chicken, leek and bacon mashed potato topped pie. This post from last year randomly started getting loads of views in October and has featured in my stats every single day since then. It was viewed a total of 365 times from 28 December 2013 to 28 December 2014.
  2. I Wouldn’t Thank You for a Valentine. Usually this is my most viewed post, but this year it lagged behind with a mere 247 views. I wonder if that means teachers have stopped assigning it for GCSE?
  3. German Foods I Love and Loathe came third with 171 views, proving that you can never go wrong with sausages and potatoes 😉
  4. Sukie’s Cake Shop, Karlsruhe. A relatively recent post this one – I only wrote it in September. But it still managed a whole 164 views between then and now. Which just goes to show how few people are blogging about things to do in Karlsruhe!
  5. So You Want to Learn German? This post got 137 views. I just hope it was useful to someone…

And now my top search terms for the year

  • The mysterious woods of whistle root pennell
  • confuzzledom
  • give me something to do
  • rewe cafeteria frankfurt airport
  • nagold old church

Nothing particularly exciting there – the good search terms are usually the ones that only come up once. But it’s still interesting to see what most people who end up on my blog are looking for.

And now, in no particular order, my five favourite search terms that have found me this year. None are quite as fun as last year’s, but luckily I’m easily amused 😉

  • marketing xmas cards from ex colleagues
  • playmobile wino
  • linda the giant sausage
  • mmm stinky foot
  • xxx girl bum

Now it’s your turn… tell me about 2014 on your blog! Or alternatively tell me what your favourite search term is that’s led someone to you.

Hundreds and thousands

Apparantly, this is my 1,000th published post on this here little blog. That’s what WordPress says, anyway, and since I have no intention of going back and counting them all I shall just have to take its word for it. When I saw that I was approaching the 1,000 mark, I decided I would need to celebrate this accomplishment with a search terms post… because how else does one celebrate blogging milestones? Sadly, most of the search terms that are actually making it through these days aren’t all that interesting (you don’t fool me Google… I know it’s all the best ones that you’re keeping to yourself!) and some days not many get through at all. Recently, I had 16 search terms and every last one of them was unknown! And now all you popular bloggers are thinking “16? In a whole day? I get more search terms than that in 5 minutes!”. Well, my corner of the Internet is still only little… yes, I’m one of those small fry that gets excited when I manage to get over 75 views in a single day, so 16 referrals from search terms ain’t too shabby 😉 Aaah, who am I kidding. No popular bloggers would ever find their way to my little spot. Hmm, I think it’s time I threw away my spade and attempted to climb out of this hole I appear to be digging myself into…
Errm where was I? Oh, yes. Search terms! Here’s the pick of a very small bunch for you.

Bless the confuzzled sheep

Yes, bless it, and it’s little cotton socks too! (Between this and previous sheep-related search terms, I’m starting to think I should make a sheep my blog’s mascot…)

Girl xxx a horse

I don’t know what the xxx is trying to hide, but I know enough to be sure you’re not going to find it on my blog. Perv!

I cry because I wet myself

I’m so sorry. Have you tried consulting a doctor?

mmm stinky foot

Please take your foot fetish and leave my blog!

xxxgirl clock theme

What’s with all the x’s?

photo of appendix with lots of pooh

Eeeew. Just no, okay?

bevchen sparkles

Only when I’ve been playing with glitter…

you are confuzzled girl!

Wait, how did you know? Can you see me?
Also, I can’t help but hear this search term in Whoopi Goldberg’s voice… you know that scene in Ghost where she says “Molly, you in danger girl!”? This search term totally reminds me of that, and I have no idea why.

so the German word for table is Tisch

Yes. Your point?

giant sausage expat

Yes, Germany is the land of giant sausages. Get over it already 😉

That’s all I’ve got for you today, but two other bloggers recently celebrated blogging milestones with search term posts and they got some hilarious ones. Go check out Expat Eye on Latvia and Aussa Lorens for more fun with search terms.

2013 on Confuzzledom

I thought it might be fun to take a look at my most-viewed posts and top search terms over the past year. Stats are always fascinating… especially search terms. Here’s what I discovered:

My top 5 posts in 2013*:

  1. I Wouldn’t Thank You for a Valentine. This is always my most popular post, and I suspect most of the people who view it are GCSE pupils looking for help with their coursework. Instead they get my ramblings on Valentine’s Day. Maybe that will teach them to do their own work in future! This post got 444* views this year… what a great number!
  2. Primark comes to Karlsruhe. Still going strong after more than a year! This post has had 242 views for this post since 18 December 2013.
  3. Neighbourhoods Around the World –Karlsruhe. Thanks to Annabelle at the Piri-Piri Lexicon for this link up. This post has gained a whole 162* views since I posted it in October!
  4. Turkey mince and vegetable pasta bake. I had no idea so many people were stuck for ideas on what to do with turkey mince and vegetables!
  5. You know you’re turning German when… I’m glad this one made the top five (even if it was only just) because it’s one of my favourite posts I’ve written. And it’s still sooo true… all of it!
Turkey mince pasta bake
Turkey mince pasta bake

And now my top 5 search terms*. You can see how they match the top posts…

  1. Primark Karlsruhe
  2. I wouldn’t thank you for a valentine/I wouldn’t thank you for a valentine poem
  3. confuzzledom
  4. give me something to do
  5. turkey mince pasta bake

Nothing particularly interesting there… all the good search terms are one offs. But it’s nice to see what brings most visitors to my site. I wonder whether the “Confuzzledom” searchers were actually looking for me or wondering about the word confuzzledom?

And because the above wasn’t particularly interesting, here are five of my favourite search terms that have found me this year (not in order though, because that would be too hard!):

  1. If sneezles were wishes
  2. squishy wiggly
  3. squirter jan jo
  4. I must continue my quest to slay the red light (actually, this may be my favourite search term ever!)
  5. u bearble bitch making me sick
*Statistics as of 18th December when I wrote this post

Over to you… tell me about 2013 on your blog!
~Please note that I am currently still in England and this is a scheduled post. I will reply to any comments as soon as possible~

Latvian giant sausage and other search terms

I thought I would do one final search terms post before the year ends. These are mostly December searches with a few that I missed earlier in the year thrown in for good measure…

Thüringer Bratwurst
Will a giant German sausage do? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Latvian giant sausage

Sorry, wrong blog. You’re looking for Linda…

Letsipthis has come up a few times

Let who sip what? (I would assume this to be a typo for Lemsip, but where in the world is the T close enough to the M to make that mistake possible?!)

Garden of remembrance fun facts

Do you know what a Garden of Remembrance is? It has to do with remembering the dead, usually people who have died fighting in wars.  It’s not exactly a place for fun facts, is it?

If you’re happy and you know it clap your hand blown capitals

Clap my… what?

German weirdness

Yep, there’s a lot of it about. I mean, these people think wearing scarves in bed can cure a cold 😉

cooking christmas dinner wear your apron

Yes, Grandma…

water dripping down my neck

Umm… you have my sympathy. But what exactly  do you expect Google to do about it? Or my blog for that matter…

pig penis

Please get off my blog! Weirdo.

looking down on looking in thought

This would probably turn out to be very deep if I could only understand it…

Fish & Chips - Aberaeron stylee
See, not a baked bean in sight! (Photo credit: papalamour)

Fish and chips with baked beans

What? Why? That’s just wrong! You have fish and chips with mushy peas. Or gravy. Baked beans belong on toast…

christmas 1953 cookies

Sorry to disappoint you, but I can’t imagine 60 year old cookies will be very edible now…

“my mom was 38” (with quotation marks)

Umm.. good for her?!

That’s all folks! Hopefully I’ll be able to entertain you with more weird search terms in 2014… if Google hasn’t blocked them completely by then.

~Please note that this is a scheduled post as I am currently away from the holidays. I will reply to any comments as soon as I can!~

Quick, before the blackout arrives…

Those of you who like to keep an eye on your blog’s statistics – and especially on your search terms – may have noticed that the number of terms actually getting through are becoming fewer and fewer. Instead, we are left with the ominous sounding “unknown search term”. This is because Google have started to encrypt most of their search terms, so instead of letting websites know what people were actually lookin for when they found then, Google now simply says “This Internet user found you via us but we’re not telling you how. ner ner ne ner ner” Here’s an example from my stats on a typical day. Note the ratio of actual search terms to the oh so useful “unknowns”:

search terms

Obviously there was only one thing to be done… I had to write another search terms post while there are still some there to write about! (By the way, searches via Bing and Yahoo apparantly still get through… but who actual searches using either of them?!)

Here are some of the best search terms that have found me over the past 30 days. Slim pickings I’m afraid… I suspect Google is keeping all the good ones to itself!

Naked at our age

Scandalous!

WordPress “a rubbish experience”

If you’re talking about the new reader I wholeheartedly agree!

What does Aldi bucks fizz taste like?

Like any other Buck’s Fizz I should imagine. It’s orange juice and sparking wine pre-mixed, in a bottle. How spectacular can it possibly taste?!

What’s worse than sheep?

What could possibly be worse than this guy?
What could possibly be worse than this guy?

I can think of a few things. Killer scorpions perhaps. Or giant spiders…

How to dress Germany

First of all, you’re going to need a lot of fabric…

How to know you’re turning German

I thought you’d never ask! Check out my post, you know you’re turning German when…

A green banana cross stitch

Nope, sorry. The best I can offer you is a bunny dressed in green sitting in the moon.

Deutsche Bahn punctuality.

Hahahahaha! Errmm.. I mean.. yes, of course. Deutsche Bahn is always punctual. (Except on days with a y in them, that is…)

What do you need to make upside gingerbread men?

1. Gingerbread men. 2. Hands to turn them upside down…

That’s it I’m afraid. Not too exciting, really. Google is already spoiling my fun!

Where is Confuzzledom? And other search terms.

Between getting my wisdom teeth out and working long hours to get things done, I haven’t really been doing a lot lately, so I thought it was time for another search term round up. Here are some of my favourite searches that have found my little corner of the Internet over the last 30 days…

Signs you haven’t slept

I’d have thought the whole not actually going to sleep thing would be the biggest clue…

As we snogged I wet myself

What? Why does this find my blog? I promise I have never done this! (Although I did wet myself in the playground once in primary school…)

Fabric Scarf Holder
Fabric Scarf Holder (Photo credit: brixton)

How to dress like a German woman

Step one is to purchase lots of scarves, and wear them all year round. For more, ask Kaitlin at The Diary of Sugar and Spice, she knows…

Where is confuzzledom?

Second star to the right and straight on til morning. No, wait. That’s Neverland…

Which has been around longest, Wotsits or Monster Munch?

I have no idea, but now I want a packet of Wotsits. Curse you, anonymous searcher!

Horse bum game

I don’t want to know…

The only horse to ever feature on my blog...
The only horse to ever feature on my blog…

Girl is a horse

Charlie… what have you done to my blog?

I want you tonight

Well you can’t have me!

sokak wc mature izle

What does that even mean?

Curried toad in the hole

Is that an actual thing? Because if not it NEEDS to become one!! Sounds awesome…

For more search term fun, check out these previous posts:

Flying penguins and other search terms

Search term Sunday

“There are worse things than being a sheep”

Flying penguins and other search terms

Today’s blog post was supposed to be the next in my guess the cross stitch series, but as the picture I’m working on was in the suitcase, which was only delivered back to me at 2 o’clock this afternoon (causing me to leave work roughly 3 hours after arriving there and work from home the rest of the day!), there’s been a slight change of plan. It’s been a while since I last did a search terms post… mainly because it’s been a while since I’ve had any good ones,  but I’ve had a look through my stats for the last month and managed to scrape a few vaguely amusing ones together. Enjoy…

Flying penguins Ireland

Atlantic Puffin
Admittedly puffins DO look a bit like penguins when they fly… (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m going to assume you were at the Cliffs of Moher, in which case what you saw were puffins. Sorry to disappoint you. Puffins are pretty cool though!

What happens to St Michael’s in Schwäbisch Hall when there is rain?

Umm, I’d imagine it gets wet… like everything else. Unless it has a giant umbrella to cover it.

Dublin call girls

What kind of blog do you think this is?!

Confuzzledom procrastination

Do I know you?!

trag hourself caligraphy

I don’t even know what that means!

Foxes in Primark

Well, even foxes need cheap clothing once in a while…

Indian xxx girl washing in bathroom video

I can think of a few reasons that someone might want to see a video of a girl washing, and none of them are innocent. But my main question is… what on Earth is an xxx girl?!

Horse bum

Nope, sorry. How about a creepy horse head mask instead?

Charlie the horse
Charlie the horse

Big bum

Well, thanks a lot…

The cross stitch guessing game will resume soon, promise!

My blog is five!

5
Photo credit: svenwerk

NOTE: I’ve had to schedule this post due to being away, so all statistics are as of 2 June 2013, when I wrote this post.

Today, 12 June 2013, marks five whole years since I started this blog! My first post was a simple introduction, and pretty boring if I’m honest. I like to think things have improved since then 😉 (if nothing else, I’ve learned that images make a blog post much more appealing!) I had to wait a whole week after starting my blog for my first comment, which was on this post.

Here are some random facts about Confuzzledom:

As of right now, my blog has been viewed 41,106 times. That’s a lot of views!

Not including searches for “confuzzledom”, the top five search terms that have brought people to my blog are:

  • I wouldn’t thank you for a valentine poem / I wouldn’t thank you for a valentine
  • things to do when you are bored
  • photo challenge list
  • if you chase two rabbits you will lose them both
  • postman poem

And my five most viewed posts are:

You can see the correlation with the search terms, can’t you?

The following searches have only led one or two people to my blog, but they never fail to amuse me. These are my five favourite search terms, in no particular order:

  • I’ve got a headache, could I have drunk (Drunk what exactly? Poison? Beer? Melted yellow snow?)
  •  bahn bahntalkingg to me like i dumb (Based on your search, they may have a point…)
  • Penis “market square” Tübingen (Dare I ask?)
  • I must continue my quest to slay the red light (I liked this one so much, I even blogged about it)
  • Are there trees tall enough that go in the clouds? (I’m not entirely sure why this one amuses me so much…)
    Tree, clouds, sky
    Tree, clouds, sky (Photo credit: ctorgan)

     

I would also like to give an honourary mention to the word “brain” – not because it’s particularly amusing, but 35 people have found my blog by searching for it. They must have spent a lot of time clicking through Google results…

These are the five posts that have got the most comments, although I find the method of working out the numbers slightly unfair – WordPress includes the comments I make myself in the count (replies to other people’s comments I hasten to add. I haven’t quite reached the stage of having conversations with myself yet…)

And I shall also include the following posts (although it makes the total number six) because it has the exact same number of comments as the last one in the above list – so technically, it’s joint fifth:

When I started this blog five years ago, I wasn’t expecting it to carry on for this long.
I originally started blogging via MSN spaces (which later became Windows live spaces) while I was in my final year of university. Basically, it was a way to procrastinate instead of getting on with my work. When I moved to Austria after graduation, I kept up with the blog as a way of keeping touch with friends back home, and also as a way to vent about how I was feeling – something I discovered to be an excellent alternative to actually having close friends around me to speak to.

That blog is long gone now (it was deleted when live spaces ceased to exist – stupidly I never did take the boyfriend’s advice and download what I’d written on there!), and this one has been going for a whole five years! I always thought that I’d some point I would grow out of blogging – back then, I thought blogs were only for teenagers, and childish twenty-somethings like me, who still read children’s books and had no idea what they wanted from life. Since then, I’ve got to know some amazing people, discovered that there is a place in the blogging world for people from all age groups and walks of life and realised that revealing my inner thoughts to the Internet is an excellent way to keep myself sane!

Which Way To Go?
Which Way To Go? (Photo credit: theevilmightyf)

At nearly 30 years old, I still have no idea where my life is going, but whaetever happens in the future, I hope my blog (and all you lovely readers) will be right there with me. Here’s to the next 5 years!

“There are worse things than being a sheep”

… and other search terms.

The Frauenarzt got back to me last night… it seems she made a mistake. Their long days are on Tuesday and THURSDAY, not Tuesday and Friday, so I’ll be off to pick up my pill on Tuesday. Still plenty of time before I need it (yes, today is Thursday, but it’s a holiday here so everything is closed). She also said they have no appointments for Krebsvorsorge (that’s the cancer checks… you can learn German with me!) until July, so I get a whole month to psych myself up. Hurrah!

In the absence of anything else to tell you, here are some of the search terms that have found me in the last 30 days.

Eddie Izzard quotes force majeure

This one is not particularly amusing, but it’s found me three times and I want to address it. Seriously, anonymous searchers? You want quotes from Force Majeure while the world tour is still in progress?! No!! If you couldn’t manage to buy tickets you can wait for the DVD like everyone else!

Sheep
Photo credit: Wikipedia

“There are worse things than being a sheep”

With quotation marks around it and everything. Somebody really wanted to find this phrase! Yes, indeed there are worse things than being a sheep. You could be a slug!

When Primark really opens in Karlsruhe blog

You mean it’s not really open now? Have I only imagined making purchases there? Oooh, a conspiracy!

What state is my relationship in?

You’re asking Google that? Really? Do you actually expect an answer as well?

What should I have accomplished at 30?

I find it ironic that this landed someone on my blog of all places. Me, who was so convinced I hadn’t achieved anything that I ended up making a whole list of the things I have done purely for reassurance purposes. Personally, there was only one thing I actually wanted to have done before 30, and that was have a baby. Fail! (And yes I could not go and pick up my pill next week and just wait and see what happens, but I can’t bring myself to deceive anyone like that. I want a baby who is wanted by both parents…)

Confuzzled dandelion

Awww, bless. I can just picture it…

OK, that’s all. The others are fairly boring and normal (“No, give me something fun to do” is among the best of the rest). Come on Internet searchers… you’re slacking 😉

Search term Sunday

It’s been a while since I’ve done a post on the search terms that found me. This is mostly because I’ve hardly had any interesting ones – I had to look at search terms from the past 30 days to get enough for this post! But I have nothing else to say today, so search terms it is…

Karlsruhe Christmas cards
Not particularly amusing this one, but I include it because it’s from Tuesday. I know it’s still snowing, but March is a little early for Christmas cards, don’t you think?

Girls playing with noose
Worrying. Very, very worrying…

amitri fifth chord
Is this some kind of secret code?

I think I am turning German
Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. As long as you don’t start labelling your socks so you know which two to put together after a wash you should be fine. (I’m kidding… Germans don’t actually do this. Or do they…? ;-))

What is a four month review?
I’m only guessing here, but I’d imagine it’s a review after four months. Do feel free to correct me if I’m wrong…

Totally trivial trivia
Is there any other kind?

Roman Emperor Antoninus Pius 138-161 CE
Roman Emperor Antoninus Pius 138-161 CE (Photo credit: mharrsch)

Your Roman is sad without u autumn autumn autumn autumn
I’m very sorry to hear that…

wordpress.com second-hand furniture
Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but WordPress is a blogging site. What you need is a second-hand furniture shop…

That’s all for today. Rather slim pickings this time. Here are some of my previous search terms posts for those who haven’t seen them already: