I’m fascinated by blog stats, particularly search terms, which are often hilarious. So here’s a look at my top search terms and most-viewed posts for 2014:
My top posts in 2014:
Chicken, leek and bacon mashed potato topped pie. This post from last year randomly started getting loads of views in October and has featured in my stats every single day since then. It was viewed a total of 365 times from 28 December 2013 to 28 December 2014.
I Wouldn’t Thank You for a Valentine. Usually this is my most viewed post, but this year it lagged behind with a mere 247 views. I wonder if that means teachers have stopped assigning it for GCSE?
Sukie’s Cake Shop, Karlsruhe. A relatively recent post this one – I only wrote it in September. But it still managed a whole 164 views between then and now. Which just goes to show how few people are blogging about things to do in Karlsruhe!
Apparantly, this is my 1,000th published post on this here little blog. That’s what WordPress says, anyway, and since I have no intention of going back and counting them all I shall just have to take its word for it. When I saw that I was approaching the 1,000 mark, I decided I would need to celebrate this accomplishment with a search terms post… because how else does one celebrate blogging milestones? Sadly, most of the search terms that are actually making it through these days aren’t all that interesting (you don’t fool me Google… I know it’s all the best ones that you’re keeping to yourself!) and some days not many get through at all. Recently, I had 16 search terms and every last one of them was unknown! And now all you popular bloggers are thinking “16? In a whole day? I get more search terms than that in 5 minutes!”. Well, my corner of the Internet is still only little… yes, I’m one of those small fry that gets excited when I manage to get over 75 views in a single day, so 16 referrals from search terms ain’t too shabby 😉 Aaah, who am I kidding. No popular bloggers would ever find their way to my little spot. Hmm, I think it’s time I threw away my spade and attempted to climb out of this hole I appear to be digging myself into… Errm where was I? Oh, yes. Search terms! Here’s the pick of a very small bunch for you.
Bless the confuzzled sheep
Yes, bless it, and it’s little cotton socks too! (Between this and previous sheep-related search terms, I’m starting to think I should make a sheep my blog’s mascot…)
Girl xxx a horse
I don’t know what the xxx is trying to hide, but I know enough to be sure you’re not going to find it on my blog. Perv!
I cry because I wet myself
I’m so sorry. Have you tried consulting a doctor?
mmm stinky foot
Please take your foot fetish and leave my blog!
xxxgirl clock theme
What’s with all the x’s?
photo of appendix with lots of pooh
Eeeew. Just no, okay?
Only when I’ve been playing with glitter…
you are confuzzled girl!
Wait, how did you know? Can you see me?
Also, I can’t help but hear this search term in Whoopi Goldberg’s voice… you know that scene in Ghost where she says “Molly, you in danger girl!”? This search term totally reminds me of that, and I have no idea why.
so the German word for table is Tisch
Yes. Your point?
giant sausage expat
Yes, Germany is the land of giant sausages. Get over it already 😉
That’s all I’ve got for you today, but two other bloggers recently celebrated blogging milestones with search term posts and they got some hilarious ones. Go check out Expat Eye on Latvia and Aussa Lorensfor more fun with search terms.
I thought it might be fun to take a look at my most-viewed posts and top search terms over the past year. Stats are always fascinating… especially search terms. Here’s what I discovered:
My top 5 posts in 2013*:
I Wouldn’t Thank You for a Valentine. This is always my most popular post, and I suspect most of the people who view it are GCSE pupils looking for help with their coursework. Instead they get my ramblings on Valentine’s Day. Maybe that will teach them to do their own work in future! This post got 444* views this year… what a great number!
Primark comes to Karlsruhe. Still going strong after more than a year! This post has had 242 views for this post since 18 December 2013.
You know you’re turning German when… I’m glad this one made the top five (even if it was only just) because it’s one of my favourite posts I’ve written. And it’s still sooo true… all of it!
And now my top 5 search terms*. You can see how they match the top posts…
I wouldn’t thank you for a valentine/I wouldn’t thank you for a valentine poem
give me something to do
turkey mince pasta bake
Nothing particularly interesting there… all the good search terms are one offs. But it’s nice to see what brings most visitors to my site. I wonder whether the “Confuzzledom” searchers were actually looking for me or wondering about the word confuzzledom?
And because the above wasn’t particularly interesting, here are five of my favourite search terms that have found me this year (not in order though, because that would be too hard!):
If sneezles were wishes
squirter jan jo
I must continue my quest to slay the red light (actually, this may be my favourite search term ever!)
u bearble bitch making me sick
*Statistics as of 18th December when I wrote this post
Over to you… tell me about 2013 on your blog! ~Please note that I am currently still in England and this is a scheduled post. I will reply to any comments as soon as possible~
Those of you who like to keep an eye on your blog’s statistics – and especially on your search terms – may have noticed that the number of terms actually getting through are becoming fewer and fewer. Instead, we are left with the ominous sounding “unknown search term”. This is because Google have started to encrypt most of their search terms, so instead of letting websites know what people were actually lookin for when they found then, Google now simply says “This Internet user found you via us but we’re not telling you how. ner ner ne ner ner” Here’s an example from my stats on a typical day. Note the ratio of actual search terms to the oh so useful “unknowns”:
Obviously there was only one thing to be done… I had to write another search terms post while there are still some there to write about! (By the way, searches via Bing and Yahoo apparantly still get through… but who actual searches using either of them?!)
Here are some of the best search terms that have found me over the past 30 days. Slim pickings I’m afraid… I suspect Google is keeping all the good ones to itself!
Naked at our age
WordPress “a rubbish experience”
If you’re talking about the new reader I wholeheartedly agree!
What does Aldi bucks fizz taste like?
Like any other Buck’s Fizz I should imagine. It’s orange juice and sparking wine pre-mixed, in a bottle. How spectacular can it possibly taste?!
What’s worse than sheep?
I can think of a few things. Killer scorpions perhaps. Or giant spiders…
How to dress Germany
First of all, you’re going to need a lot of fabric…
Between getting my wisdom teeth out and working long hours to get things done, I haven’t really been doing a lot lately, so I thought it was time for another search term round up. Here are some of my favourite searches that have found my little corner of the Internet over the last 30 days…
Signs you haven’t slept
I’d have thought the whole not actually going to sleep thing would be the biggest clue…
As we snogged I wet myself
What? Why does this find my blog? I promise I have never done this! (Although I did wet myself in the playground once in primary school…)
Today’s blog post was supposed to be the next in my guess the cross stitch series, but as the picture I’m working on was in the suitcase, which was only delivered back to me at 2 o’clock this afternoon (causing me to leave work roughly 3 hours after arriving there and work from home the rest of the day!), there’s been a slight change of plan. It’s been a while since I last did a search terms post… mainly because it’s been a while since I’ve had any good ones, but I’ve had a look through my stats for the last month and managed to scrape a few vaguely amusing ones together. Enjoy…
Flying penguins Ireland
I’m going to assume you were at the Cliffs of Moher, in which case what you saw were puffins. Sorry to disappoint you. Puffins are pretty cool though!
What happens to St Michael’s in Schwäbisch Hall when there is rain?
Umm, I’d imagine it gets wet… like everything else. Unless it has a giant umbrella to cover it.
Dublin call girls
What kind of blog do you think this is?!
Do I know you?!
trag hourself caligraphy
I don’t even know what that means!
Foxes in Primark
Well, even foxes need cheap clothing once in a while…
Indian xxx girl washing in bathroom video
I can think of a few reasons that someone might want to see a video of a girl washing, and none of them are innocent. But my main question is… what on Earth is an xxx girl?!
Nope, sorry. How about a creepy horse head mask instead?
Well, thanks a lot…
The cross stitch guessing game will resume soon, promise!
NOTE: I’ve had to schedule this post due to being away, so all statistics are as of 2 June 2013, when I wrote this post.
Today, 12 June 2013, marks five whole years since I started this blog! My first post was a simple introduction, and pretty boring if I’m honest. I like to think things have improved since then 😉 (if nothing else, I’ve learned that images make a blog post much more appealing!) I had to wait a whole week after starting my blog for my first comment, which was on this post.
Here are some random facts about Confuzzledom:
As of right now, my blog has been viewed 41,106 times. That’s a lot of views!
Not including searches for “confuzzledom”, the top five search terms that have brought people to my blog are:
I wouldn’t thank you for a valentine poem / I wouldn’t thank you for a valentine
Are there trees tall enough that go in the clouds? (I’m not entirely sure why this oneamuses me so much…)
I would also like to give an honourary mention to the word “brain” – not because it’s particularly amusing, but 35 people have found my blog by searching for it. They must have spent a lot of time clicking through Google results…
These are the five posts that have got the most comments, although I find the method of working out the numbers slightly unfair – WordPress includes the comments I make myself in the count (replies to other people’s comments I hasten to add. I haven’t quite reached the stage of having conversations with myself yet…)
And I shall also include the following posts (although it makes the total number six) because it has the exact same number of comments as the last one in the above list – so technically, it’s joint fifth:
When I started this blog five years ago, I wasn’t expecting it to carry on for this long.
I originally started blogging via MSN spaces (which later became Windows live spaces) while I was in my final year of university. Basically, it was a way to procrastinate instead of getting on with my work. When I moved to Austria after graduation, I kept up with the blog as a way of keeping touch with friends back home, and also as a way to vent about how I was feeling – something I discovered to be an excellent alternative to actually having close friends around me to speak to.
That blog is long gone now (it was deleted when live spaces ceased to exist – stupidly I never did take the boyfriend’s advice and download what I’d written on there!), and this one has been going for a whole five years! I always thought that I’d some point I would grow out of blogging – back then, I thought blogs were only for teenagers, and childish twenty-somethings like me, who still read children’s books and had no idea what they wanted from life. Since then, I’ve got to know some amazing people, discovered that there is a place in the blogging world for people from all age groups and walks of life and realised that revealing my inner thoughts to the Internet is an excellent way to keep myself sane!
At nearly 30 years old, I still have no idea where my life is going, but whaetever happens in the future, I hope my blog (and all you lovely readers) will be right there with me. Here’s to the next 5 years!
The Frauenarzt got back to me last night… it seems she made a mistake. Their long days are on Tuesday and THURSDAY, not Tuesday and Friday, so I’ll be off to pick up my pill on Tuesday. Still plenty of time before I need it (yes, today is Thursday, but it’s a holiday here so everything is closed). She also said they have no appointments for Krebsvorsorge (that’s the cancer checks… you can learn German with me!) until July, so I get a whole month to psych myself up. Hurrah!
In the absence of anything else to tell you, here are some of the search terms that have found me in the last 30 days.
Eddie Izzard quotes force majeure
This one is not particularly amusing, but it’s found me three times and I want to address it. Seriously, anonymous searchers? You want quotes from Force Majeure while the world tour is still in progress?! No!! If you couldn’t manage to buy tickets you can wait for the DVD like everyone else!
“There are worse things than being a sheep”
With quotation marks around it and everything. Somebody really wanted to find this phrase! Yes, indeed there are worse things than being a sheep. You could be a slug!
When Primark really opens in Karlsruhe blog
You mean it’s not really open now? Have I only imagined making purchases there? Oooh, a conspiracy!
What state is my relationship in?
You’re asking Google that? Really? Do you actually expect an answer as well?
What should I have accomplished at 30?
I find it ironic that this landed someone on my blog of all places. Me, who was so convinced I hadn’t achieved anything that I ended up making a whole list of the things I have done purely for reassurance purposes. Personally, there was only one thing I actually wanted to have done before 30, and that was have a baby. Fail! (And yes I could not go and pick up my pill next week and just wait and see what happens, but I can’t bring myself to deceive anyone like that. I want a baby who is wanted by both parents…)
Awww, bless. I can just picture it…
OK, that’s all. The others are fairly boring and normal (“No, give me something fun to do” is among the best of the rest). Come on Internet searchers… you’re slacking 😉
It’s been a while since I’ve done a post on the search terms that found me. This is mostly because I’ve hardly had any interesting ones – I had to look at search terms from the past 30 days to get enough for this post! But I have nothing else to say today, so search terms it is…
Karlsruhe Christmas cards Not particularly amusing this one, but I include it because it’s from Tuesday. I know it’s still snowing, but March is a little early for Christmas cards, don’t you think?
Girls playing with noose Worrying. Very, very worrying…
amitri fifth chord Is this some kind of secret code?
I think I am turning German Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us. As long as you don’t start labelling your socks so you know which two to put together after a wash you should be fine. (I’m kidding… Germans don’t actually do this. Or do they…? ;-))
What is a four month review? I’m only guessing here, but I’d imagine it’s a review after four months. Do feel free to correct me if I’m wrong…
Totally trivial trivia Is there any other kind?
Your Roman is sad without u autumn autumn autumn autumn I’m very sorry to hear that…
wordpress.com second-hand furniture Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but WordPress is a blogging site. What you need is a second-hand furniture shop…
That’s all for today. Rather slim pickings this time. Here are some of my previous search terms posts for those who haven’t seen them already: