It seems I’m not the only one that’s excited by Primark…

This is an extract from my blog stats for the last 7 days, specifically from the search engine terms section – it’s an extract because I decided to spare you the remaining 20, which weren’t too interesting, really (other than the one that said “squirter janjab” and I’m not even sure I want to know what that means…):

As you can see (I hope – it’s a little blurry. Try clicking on it for a more readable image), “primark karlsruhe” is well in the lead. I knew I wasn’t the only one who is pleased that Primarni (as it is known in certain circles) has finally arrived in my little corner of Deutschland.

The people searching for “happy no housework day 2013” are getting a little ahead of themselves, I feel. It is still 2012, you know!! Please don’t wish next year on me already. However, I do admit I was intrigued enough to go and look up No Housework Day for myself. It’s on 7 April, apparantly. I had never heard of it, but I may feel the need to join in next year. Not that I’m brilliant at keeping up with my housework at the best of times (as long-time readers know), but on an official day I won’t even have to feel guilty about it 😀
Who’s with me?

Dull women have immaculate homes
(Photo credit: shawnzrossi)
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Doing nothing while January whizzes by

Can you believe January’s more than half over already? Unbelievable! We’re 17 whole days into the new year already and I’ve done exactly… nothing. Hmm. What is it with time going by so fast lately anyway? I’m sure the years were much longer when I was little.

So, it was my dad’s birthday yesterday. He’s the third member of my family to have a birthday this month, and it’s my Grandma’s on the 27th. What is it with members of my family all being born in the same month? Actually, that’s not strictly true, there are more then 4 people in my family. But January is definitely the most crowded (and thus must expensive) month. Plus it comes straight after Christmas when I’ve already spent all my money buying gifts for half the world. Aaah.

Now, could somebody please explain to me what it is with Gordon Ramsey and the Secret Garden? I wrote a post a while ago wondering why Amazon recommended me a Gordon Ramsey cookbook based on the fact that I rated the Secret Garden. (I’m still not getting the whole rating a kid’s book means you must want a recipe book thing, but never mind). Since then I’ve had a few people land on my blog through a Gordon Ramsey/Secret Garden related post, but lately it’s gone mad. Just take a look at this screenshot (hopefully you can read it):
screenshotFor those who are unfamiliar with wordpress, that’s part of the stats page for my blog, specifically the part that tells me what search engine terms have led people to me (it’s also where I find the questions for Question Time). The above list is all from the same day. That’s 14 queries about Gordon Ramsey and the Secret Garden in a mere 24 hours. What is going on?? If anyone has any information please leave a comment. (Yes, I know I could just Google it myself, but quite frankly I can’t be bothered, so just indulge my laziness would ya).
Right, I’m off to make a cuppa. I got a box of Chai tea yesterday that sounds lovely and I haven’t tried it yet. (In case anyone’s interested it’s black tea with what’s described as “Indian spices” – ginger, liquorice, cinnamon, pepper, sweet blackberry leaves, pimento, cardamom and cloves – sounds yummy, no?)

Answering the world’s questions

I’ve had a headache and a sore throat all day today and I’m very, very tired, so I can’t be bothered to think of anything to blog about. Instead I’m going to get my friendly neighbourhood search engine users to do the thinking for me. Yes, it’s that time again. Time to answers the questions that google springs upon me. Those of you who don’t know what I’m on about about can go and read the introduction to my previous questions and answers session. The rest of you may carry on reading.
Here come the questions…

1. Questions to ask to prove people are drunk
I wouldn’t have thought you’d need to ask them anything. Surely the staggering around bouncing off walls thing gives it away. If you really can’t tell try asking them their phone number. I know I can never remember mine when I’m drunk. Mind you, I probably couldn’t tell you it when I’m sober either so it’s not exactly a foolproof test.

2. Why am I still tired when I wake up?
Possibly because you spent half the night on the computer asking Google stupid questions. Either that or you were forced to share a room with someone who snores. Or it’s Wednesday. Nobody can fail to wake up tired on a Wednesday. Fact.

3. How to practice translation
Find something to translate. Translate it. Show your translated version to a native speaker of that language. Find out your translation is crap. Translate the text again. Continue until either a) you get bored or b) your brain turns to mush from trying to think in two different languages at once. If you can keep this up every day for a month you’re ready to become a translator.

4. How to tell difference between black & navy socks
You can’t, it’s impossible. I suggest you throw out all the boring black and navy socks and go get yourself some interesting ones.

5. Why do I dream of serial killers
Three possibilities.
1) You’re a psycho
2) There actually is a serial killer out to get you
3) You’ve been watching too many horror films.
You choose which one you think applies to you.

OK, that’s all for today. My stats have been rather slow on the questions front lately and I really don’t feel like answering 12 different variations on the “I am bored” theme. If you enjoeyed this pop on over to Katy’s place for more question time. Meanwhile I’m off to suck on a strepsil and drink enough tea to fill a small bath.

Humans need naps too!

I’m very tired today. So tired, in fact, that I found myself feeling jealous of my employer’s dog this afternoon. Because she got to sleep in her little dog bed while I was proofreading an incredibly boring financial report. It would have been enough to put me asleep even if I hadn’t already been tired. Sometimes it’s soooo difficult being human!

A rather odd search appeared in my blog statistics today. Hundreds of people have found me in the past by searching google for some variation on the theme of “I am bored”, “things to do when bored” and “how to stop being bored”. However, today is the first time I’ve had someone find me by searching for “what to do when you aren’t bored”. What a strange question. Surely if you’re not bored you already have something interesting to do? Or could it be that this person wants to be bored? Perhaps they’ve had enough of being happy and interested and now want to try out boredom for a while. Just plain odd, that’s what it is. Almost as odd as the person yesterday who was searching for “Cambois Environmental Agency”. All I can say to that is Cambois has an environmental agency? And, perhaps even more importantly, why??

Big fat pig

I must admit I’m totally fascinated by the things type into Google. Yesterday, for example, someone found my blog by asking the question “How do I make my crap smell worse?”. Why?? Surely pooh smells bad enough without people trying to make it worse! And what would a person hope to achieve with that anyway? It’s all very strange.

I’m sure my belly has expanded to double its usual size. I’ve just had a massive dinner. I made an Aldi potato bake thing, adding my own bacon bits, herbs and cheese. Usually Jan and I would have one between us, but as he’s not here I had to eat it all on my own. I’ve had to undo the button on my trousers cos I was feeling so uncomfortable. Basically I’m just a fat pig… or rather a pig who should be fat. Somehow I’ve managed to stay skinny up to now, which is amazing, but I shall have to start doing some exercise soon or I’ll blow up like a balloon.

Right, I have to go and do something about my room now. The mess is slowly starting to take over. It’s my crap housewife gene getting the better of me again!
Oh, and speaking of being housewifey… I’m looking for a recipe that involves coconut milk and fresh ginger Would anyone like to recommend one?