Where is Confuzzledom? And other search terms.

Between getting my wisdom teeth out and working long hours to get things done, I haven’t really been doing a lot lately, so I thought it was time for another search term round up. Here are some of my favourite searches that have found my little corner of the Internet over the last 30 days…

Signs you haven’t slept

I’d have thought the whole not actually going to sleep thing would be the biggest clue…

As we snogged I wet myself

What? Why does this find my blog? I promise I have never done this! (Although I did wet myself in the playground once in primary school…)

Fabric Scarf Holder
Fabric Scarf Holder (Photo credit: brixton)

How to dress like a German woman

Step one is to purchase lots of scarves, and wear them all year round. For more, ask Kaitlin at The Diary of Sugar and Spice, she knows…

Where is confuzzledom?

Second star to the right and straight on til morning. No, wait. That’s Neverland…

Which has been around longest, Wotsits or Monster Munch?

I have no idea, but now I want a packet of Wotsits. Curse you, anonymous searcher!

Horse bum game

I don’t want to know…

The only horse to ever feature on my blog...
The only horse to ever feature on my blog…

Girl is a horse

Charlie… what have you done to my blog?

I want you tonight

Well you can’t have me!

sokak wc mature izle

What does that even mean?

Curried toad in the hole

Is that an actual thing? Because if not it NEEDS to become one!! Sounds awesome…

For more search term fun, check out these previous posts:

Flying penguins and other search terms

Search term Sunday

“There are worse things than being a sheep”

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Question time again

It’s Wednesday. Last Wednesday I did question time. I think I shall do question time again this Wednesday. I have nothing else to blog about (other than the fact that I’m exhausted, missed my tram again, don’t want to study… or go to work tomorrow, etc. etc. if you’re really desperate to read about all that stuff just go through my archives. I’ve written many complainy blogs over the past couple of weeks).
So here are the Google searches that have led people to me blog since this time last week and my silly comments on them. Enjoy.

How to prepare Bratensosse
Bratensosse, for those that don’t know, is the German version of gravy. It’s crap. Every time I’ve had it’s been far too runny, and it tastes weird. I really wouldn’t bother learning to prepare it if I were you. Go and find an English shop and buy some Bisto instead. Trust me, you’ll thank me for it one day. That’s assuming you’re in Germany. If not why would you even have Bratensosse? It’s not normal behaviour…

Plastic Paddington Bear cup
Oooh, do you have one? Does it have a label with “please look after this bear” written on it? Would you like to buy me one for Christmas?

Flowers beginning with B
Bluebell
Buttercup
Bee orchid
Black rose
Butter blossom
Bloomberry
Belldrop
… ok, I may have made the last three up.

Where do cakes take a nap?
In the b(r)e(a)d basket of course.
I’m so clever. Ha.

What to do if I fall asleep on the way home?
Dream I would suggest. I don’t see what else you can do. Unless you’re a sleepwalker. How cool would that be… managing to press the bell and get off the bus at the right stop without even waking up. I bet people in fairy tales can do it…

Wouldn’t mind having lack of sleep
This one’s come up in my statistics twice this week. Twice! On separate days! Are you people insane?
If you want to be tired that badly you’re welcome to take some of my lack of sleep… I’d be happy to exchange it for an extra two hours of rest.

Right, that’s your lot. I couldn’t find any more interesting ones, and the boyfriend will be here soon anyway, which means I need to figure out what we’re having for tea.

Humans need naps too!

I’m very tired today. So tired, in fact, that I found myself feeling jealous of my employer’s dog this afternoon. Because she got to sleep in her little dog bed while I was proofreading an incredibly boring financial report. It would have been enough to put me asleep even if I hadn’t already been tired. Sometimes it’s soooo difficult being human!

A rather odd search appeared in my blog statistics today. Hundreds of people have found me in the past by searching google for some variation on the theme of “I am bored”, “things to do when bored” and “how to stop being bored”. However, today is the first time I’ve had someone find me by searching for “what to do when you aren’t bored”. What a strange question. Surely if you’re not bored you already have something interesting to do? Or could it be that this person wants to be bored? Perhaps they’ve had enough of being happy and interested and now want to try out boredom for a while. Just plain odd, that’s what it is. Almost as odd as the person yesterday who was searching for “Cambois Environmental Agency”. All I can say to that is Cambois has an environmental agency? And, perhaps even more importantly, why??

Big fat pig

I must admit I’m totally fascinated by the things type into Google. Yesterday, for example, someone found my blog by asking the question “How do I make my crap smell worse?”. Why?? Surely pooh smells bad enough without people trying to make it worse! And what would a person hope to achieve with that anyway? It’s all very strange.

I’m sure my belly has expanded to double its usual size. I’ve just had a massive dinner. I made an Aldi potato bake thing, adding my own bacon bits, herbs and cheese. Usually Jan and I would have one between us, but as he’s not here I had to eat it all on my own. I’ve had to undo the button on my trousers cos I was feeling so uncomfortable. Basically I’m just a fat pig… or rather a pig who should be fat. Somehow I’ve managed to stay skinny up to now, which is amazing, but I shall have to start doing some exercise soon or I’ll blow up like a balloon.

Right, I have to go and do something about my room now. The mess is slowly starting to take over. It’s my crap housewife gene getting the better of me again!
Oh, and speaking of being housewifey… I’m looking for a recipe that involves coconut milk and fresh ginger Would anyone like to recommend one?