Things I will never be able to do as well as the Germans

I actually thought of this post a while ago, but I was out and about with no possibility to write anything down, so I forgot. But I was reminded of it again last night in Aldi, while trying to pay and pack away my shopping at the same time. This time I had the sense to switch the computer on and get typing as soon as I get home, and this morning I felt inspired enough to complete the post. And thus, I present to you, Things that I will never be able to do as well as the Germans…

Pack my shopping away at the speed of light

I’m almost sure this ability is genetic… or at least drummed in to small German children before they can even walk. All Germans seem to have an in-built capability to lay all their groceries on the band in exactly the way it needs to be packed, run to the other end and pack everything away in their back pack/environmentally friendly canvas bag neatly and safely while the shop assistant is practically throwing the stuff at them and then have the money waiting in their hand before the cashier even has the chance to ask for it. Meanwhile, there’s me quickly shoving everything into my carrier bag (which I’ve just purchased because I forgot to bring one with me again) any old way, not caring how squished my bread gets, then having to stop half way through to fumble with my purse while the shop assistant glares impatiently, one hand out waiting to take my money. On the occasions that I’m doing a big shop and take a trolley, I’m even too slow at throwing my shopping in there… leading to the assistant picking up random bits of my shopping and putting them in the trolley for me so they have room to scan the rest. Unless I’m only buying about 2 items, every shopping trip ends up in a panicked rush! What’s your secret, Germans?

Open a beer bottle with absolutely anything

Admittedly this one might only be reserved for male Germans – I haven’t seen many women doing it. But give a German guy a beer, tell him you have no opener and he will use any means at his disposal to get into the bottle. In fact, some people insist on doing it their way even if there is a proper opening available! A lighter, another (closed) beer bottle, a fork… each of these works perfectly if a German is looking to get his beer open. And if no other implement is available, the edge of a table or even the crate the beer came in will do. I, on the other hand, sometimes have trouble opening my beer with a proper bottle opener…

This is as good as my scarf wrapping skills are ever going to get...
This is as good as my scarf tying skills are ever going to get…

Wrap a scarf so it looks good

Given a decent amount of time and a mirror, I will eventually manage to wrap a scarf around my neck in a way that looks half decent. German women need neither time nor mirrors. I’ve seen Germans stand up after a long night of drinkinh, pick up the scarf that they took off because it was so hot indoors, casually drape it around their neck, and BAM…. perfect first time! This is another ability that I suspect is genetic…

Drink a Maß of beer

That’s one litre, for those of you who don’t know. And believe me, one litre is a lot of beer. A Maß glass isn’t exactly small! Pathetic little British me needs two hands to even lift one. Unlike the famous Oktoberfest waitresses, who deliver up to eight of these things to a table at a time, four in each hand. I can never manage to get all the way to the bottom of my Maß of beer before it gets warm either! Germans can though… including the females. I think I’ll stick with my pathetic little half litre glasses and leave the big ones to the natives…

And there you have it: Four things that I don’t think I’ll learn to do as well as the Germans however long I live here.
Got any more? Feel free to add them in the comments. And if there’s something you think the natives of another country can do better than anyone else I’d love to hear about it!