It’s my birthday tomorrow.
While last year I was depressed because I was going to be a whole quarter of a century old and still hadn’t done anything useful with my life, this year I’m bemoaning the fact that I’m officially going to be closer to 30 than I am to 20 and (yes, you’ve guessed it) I still haven’t done anything useful with my life.
It didn’t used to be like this. When I was younger I would look forward to my birthday for weeks beforehand… planning everything down to the last detail, making long lists of everything I wanted, fantasising about cakes galore. These days, while I still enjoy my actual birthday (because how could I not enjoy a day that’s all about me?!) in the days leading up to it I find myself looking back over the year since my last birthday and all the things I haven’t done. It’s never the things I have done, because I never seem to do anything. The video that’s currently playing in my head shows me getting up, going to work, coming home, making dinner, going to bed, getting up…. and so on, in an endlessly repeating loop, at least until I get to March, where there’s a moment of excitement while I move house. Then the old cycle starts again, except now I come home to my very own flat at the end of the day.
But this year is going to be different. Tomorrow is not just my 26th birthday. It’s all the first day of my 101 things in 1001 days mission. This time next year, instead of moaning about all the things I haven‘t done, I will be able to look at all the crossed out items on my list and celebrate everything that I have done since my last birthday.
But that’s all in the future. Right now I have to eat lots of chocolate and enjoy the fact that, right now, I am still 5 years away from my 30th birthday instead of only 4…