Yawn

I am still alive, just currently too tired to even string together a coherent sentence let alone a blog post.
This week has mainly consisted of overtime, overtime and more overtime – and today is only Wednesday!Combine that with very little sleep and you have Zombie Bevchen on your hands.

Last week I had a visit from two people who were my house mates at uni. One of them actually lived with my twice – the second time voluntarily! I hadn’t seen them for 7 years, so it was about time we met up! It was nice to show them around where I live.

Too tired to write more, so hereΒ  are some photos of Ettlingen – which is about 10 minutes tram ride from Karlsruhe – where I took my guests last Monday.

Ettlingen Town Hall
River Alb
Ettlingen Market Place with St George’s Fountain

(It has seriously just taken me half an hour to write this tiny little post, and I had to go back and rewite half of it because almost every word had a typo in it. I really must get some sleep! But not til after the Germany match…)

No rest for the wicked…

I swear I’ve used that as a blog title before, but I can’t be bothered to go back and check now, so if I have you’ll just have to put up with my lack of imagination.
Anyway… I am sooo glad it’s Friday! I’ve been tired, tired, tired all week – despite the fact that I had Monday off and only had to go to work for 4 days. What I would really like to do now is curl up and go to sleep for about 15 hours, but there is too much to do. Plus we haven’t even eaten yet, and I hate going to bed hungry. The boyfriend – who is supposed to be ill – is presumably still at work. Or at least he’s not here and I don’t know where else he should be. Yesterday (which also happened to be his birthday) he actually stayed home. Not in bed though, despite me telling him that was where he belonged! Instead he worked from home. Today he insisted that he had to go in at least in the afternoon because a student was coming in, but wouldn’t stay too long. I’m not sure what time he went in, but it’s now 8:30 pm so if he actually did go in the afternoon then he’s been there at least 5 hours, even if he didn’t go til late afternoon! As far as I’m concerned that’s almost a full working day. So much for not long! I meanwhile have been at work for the required 8 hours, done some shopping, tidied the living room and washed most of the dishes. As soon as I’ve finished writing this I’ll have to go back and do the rest, otherwise it will be impossible for me to cook tea. Both frying pans are currently dirty (world’s worst housewife strikes again!) and I need one for what I’m planning to cook. And so it goes on. Tomorrow, the first day of my so-called “weekend” will be spent doing washing, hoovering, scrubbing the shower and attempting to sort out the spare bedroom, which I promised to do weeks ago. The deal was Jan would put shelves up and I would sort out all my crafting and cross stitch stuff and make the room fit to be seen. The shelves have been up since before Christmas, so at least he kept his part of the bargain! If I actually manage to get all that done tomorrow I might actually get a chance to relax on Sunday before getting back to the old 6 am wake up calls on Monday. It’s true what they say… a woman’s work really is never done!

Back to reality?

We are more than halfway through the fourth week of the new year and I still seem to be struggling to switch my brain back to reality mode. I have, of course, been going to work and have got every one of the translations that’s been planned in for me done (I have no choice -there are deadlines. And customers are generally not that understanding when it comes to extending them) but my heart is only half in it. My jobs are technically fine – spell checked, proofread and correctly translated. But I know I could put more effort into them, concentrate harder and get more done in less time, if only I could get myself motivated. Instead, half of my mind constantly seems to be somewhere else. I spend the mornings thinking about the book I was reading on the train, and would have liked to read more of before arriving at work (the train ride home seems sooo far away when I’m wondering what’s going to happen next!) or wondering whether a good friend has head her baby yet (she’s not actually due for another week and a half, but it could happen any time now). And by the time afternoon rolls around, I’m starting to get sleepy and find myself picturing my bed after every project I complete. 23 days after returning from my last holiday it seems I could use another one!

Why don’t humans hibernate?

Some days I wish I was a hedgehog. Or a squirrel – with a nice bushy tail to wrap around myself while I curled up to sleep for the winter. I would sleep and sleep and sleep, only popping out occasionally for a bite to eat. Sounds wonderful!
Hibernation sounds like heaven right now. I am sooo tired. And the tiredness seems to be there, no matter how much sleep I get. Not that I’ve ben getting much sleep (usually six hours a night, seven if I’m lucky), but that’s normal. And usually I’m not this tired. I blame the weather! It’s dark when I get up (and when I leave the house) and dark again by home time. Currentlyit’s at least light when I get off my train in the morning, so I at least get to travel the last few metres to work in the light, but soon it will be dark then too. And it’s cold. So, so cold. Despite the fact that it isn’t officially winter until 22 December(!!) according to my calendar. Remind me why humans don’t hibernate…

Sleepy, sleepy… wide awake!

Don’t you hate it when you’re so sleepy all evening that you have the feeling you could drop off at any minute then, as soon as bedtime comes around, sleep suddenly seems to be the last thing your body wants? That was me last night! I had been tired all day and had already decided to get an early night. So when I sat down on the sofa and immediately felt my eyes trying to close I realised it was time to put the plan into action. 15 minutes later, I had brushed my teeth, put on my pyjamas and was ready to snuggle up under the quilt. I got into bed, switched off the light and BAM! It was as if the action of turning off the light had triggered another switch inside me, except instead of turning off that one had gone to on! I was suddenly wide awake again. After a few minutes of tossing and turning I gave up and decided to read my book. Two pages in, tiredness struck again.. my eyes felt heavy and I wasn’t really taking anything in. So I thought I would try the sleep thing again. Book down, light out… BAM! Wide awake. Obviously there was no point in trying to do anything else, since everything but lying in my bed with the light out made me drowsy, so I had to resign myself to lying there waiting for sleep to come. I’ve no idea when I eventually drifted off, but judging by how difficult it was to get out of bed this morning I obviously didn’t get enough sleep last night! And considering it’s now 8:30 pm, I’ve only just got in and I have a million and one things to do, I won’t be trying for another early night tonight. On the bright side, only one more day of getting up in the dark then it’s the weekend, and I get to spend time with the boyfriend who has been away all week at a conference. Positive thinking! πŸ™‚

I love it when a plan comes together…

I am stupidly tired this evening, having only got about 4 hours sleep last night and about 5 the night before. I kept having to go to the loo and splash water on my face at work to keep myself awake. But instead of collapsing into my bed as soon as I got home (which is what I would have liked to have done!) I went ahead with my original plan and made shortbread dough. The first batch is in the ovrn right now – another ten minutes and I can take it out, then it’s bed time for me! The remaining dough is in the fridge, awaiting it’s turn to be baked. That will happen tomorrow. At 40 minutes a time there’s no way I’m doing any more tonight. My bed is calling!

Parkin was mae on Sunday. It’s sitting in a lovely tin, and both of us have managed to resist munching on it. This is very impressive, considering it’s my favourite cake and Jan usually can’t be left within a mile of sweet stuff without gobbling it all up. The amount of times I’ve bought biscuits only to find none left when I come to get one is a testament to this! The things we’re willing to do for a good cause πŸ˜‰ After work tomorrow I’ll be heading in to town to stock up on ingredients for the rest of my baked goods, then more baking shall be done on Friday. It’s all coming together nicely. Now I just have to hope everyone who’s confirmed actually turns up, otherwise we’re going to be living on cake for the next month!

Right, I’m off to get the shortbread out of the oven. Then it’s time to sleeeeeep. Jan can put the biscuits in their tin when he gets back from choir – they should be cool by then.

Not much is so much more than nothing

Thank you all for your replies to my last post. Especially Hails, who is so much more eloquent than me, and hit the nail right on the head. You said exactly what I was trying to, in less words and without sounding bitter/whiney/insert other adjective here.

Apologies for the lack of individual replies. Despite having a four-day weekend (thank you Easter!) I failed to find the time to return to my blog. And now another week has gone by, it’s Friday again and I still haven’t found the time to reply to your comments, or to catch up on all the blogs I actually do want to read, or even to do the dishes. Although, perhaps that’s not strictly true. There are four hours between when I arrive back in Karlsruhe after work and the time I go to bed, and to be honest I have no idea what I do withhose hours. Yes, I have to do the shopping and cook the tea, but surely those things don’t take up 4 whole hours? And so my life moves on, with week days spent at work, and the evenings being used to get nothing done, and the weekend being the time for catching up on the housework and the washing and all the other things that have been on my to-do list since the previous weekend. And suddenly another week has gone by. The next time I look up it’s a month. I’m afraid if I blink too often it will be Christmas! Surely there must be more to life than this? Work, work, work then rush to catch up on the cleaning.

The other day a Facebook friend (a relative, actually) was complaining that she’s going to be turning 29 soon. I wanted to write back “Yes, but you’re almost 29 with a husband and a daughter”. I’m almost 28 and presumably never going to be a wife or mother. Other people my age have been travelled. There was a phase a couple of years ago where everyone was off on “world trips”. Australia, New Zealand, Thailand… all the exotic far away places. My sister went to South Africa for six months, met a guy out there who then moved to England and became a British citizen for her. I only made it as far as Germany. While other people are either settling down or enjoying their freedom, I’m busy just existing. But then I look at some of the people I went to school with. Still living in the small town where they were born, with two or three kids, living only for the weekend when they can find a babysitter and go and get drunk again. And I think maybe I have achieved something after all. Germany is further than nowhere. I have a job I love and that I’m actually good at. That’s something to be proud of. And then I feel guilty because I have so much. So why can’t it just be enough? What will it take for me to accept that I can’t have everything I want? (And we’re back to self pity, which is just one of the many things about me that I really need to change. Get over yourself Bev!!!)

(Title of this post shamelessly stolen from the Tina Dico song One, because it fit so well.)

Getting used to it

We have a new intern at work. An English girl who’s never really had a job before. She’s currently finding the eight-hour working days quite long and tiring; the getting up early every single day quite a challenge. We told her you get used to it. What we didn’t say is that getting used to it doesn’t mean the days feel any shorter or waking up becomes any easy. What you get used to is feeling constantly tired, yet managing to do a full days work anyway. You get used to getting up early even though you feel like you could do with at least two more hours of sleep. You get used to thinking twice, or even three times, about doing anything at all on a week night because you know tomorrow is another working day…
Or maybe that’s just me?
I think, perhaps, I could use a holiday…

Give me something to do

I’ve been in an odd mood all day today. I think maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m exhausted… an early start on Monday plus a couple of bad night’s sleep are the culprits. So nothing has changed in the new year then. My train home was delayed, then as soon as I arrived back in Karlsruhe I went into town to transfer some money and do the shopping. By the time I got home all I could do was put the shopping away and make tea (which is now eaten). Only 11 days into the new year and I already feel like my entire life consists of nothing but work and what would be called chores if I wasn’t all growed up (I spent most of the weekend doing housework!). It’s like ground hog day, except that my version is at least broken up by weeknds. Perhaps I’m living a ground hog week instead? Except that in my version time actually progresses, it’s just me that’s stuck in a loop. I think I need a new hobby. Something productive that will make me feel like I’m actually doing something – but nothing that feels too much like work. Ideas anyone?

Just let me SLEEP!

I know, I know: I promised to get back to blogging regularly then failed yet again. I’m sorry! I’m just so tired at the moment… I can barely string a coherent sentence together, let alone write an entire blog post! This morning I hit snooze on my alarm, think I would just have five more minutes… only to wake up half an hour later wondering why it was light already! It’s a good job I have flexi-time at work… plus enough overtime saved up to make up for the fact that I’ve already worked about 2 hours less than I should have this week. And today was only Wednesday. Two more whole days before the weekend and sleeep… plus a trip to IKEA to spend the money my Grandma gave us. Yes, I lead such an exciting life.
Anyway, Jan is out tonight (he has choir practice), so I suppose I’d better go and attempt to make some food for myself. I’m thinking Supernoodles are the way forward! I won’t promise to write again soon, cos we all know how well that worked out last time… however, I will post some more photos of the flat once we’ve got the yet-to-be-bought IKEA furniture up and arranged. How’s that for a deal?