Recently we had a meeting with the doctor at the fertility clinic and were able to put a plan in place. Basically we’ve agreed that, since it worked so well last time, I will try the same procedure again. Same hormonal injections followed by insemination. I’m not going to tell you exactly when we’ll be trying again – partly because I want to keep some things private. I don’t really need dozens of people waiting to hear the results of my pregnancy test! But also because I don’t know myself exactly when we’ll be able to try again. It all depends on how quickly my body gets back to normal after the loss. Since I was nearly 17 weeks along and there were two babies, its slightly different to a “normal”, early miscarriage. I do know I have to wait two cycles, so it definitely won’t be happening this year. Much as I would like to finally be able to hold a baby in my arms, I’m okay with that. After everything that’s happened this year, I’d be happy with an uneventful rest of 2018. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past three years, it’s patience. When baby-making doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to there is a lot of waiting involved. Waiting for the right time in your cycle to have certain tests, waiting to see whether it’s actually worked this time round, and waiting for the right time to start treatment. I’m used to waiting.
One of the worst things about having to start this process all over again – apart from the obvious fact that my boys deserve to still be here – is not knowing whether we will ever end up with a living, breathing baby that we can actually bring home with us. I was very lucky that I responded so well to the hormones and the IUI worked first time. That’s now what usually happens, and the doctor has already prepared me to not expect that again. We have two tries left and after that…. who knows. I am hopeful that things will work out for us, but it would be a lot easier if it was possible to look into the future and see that, if we just keep going, one day it will all have been worth it.
I haven’t written one of these posts in a while and I’m not feeling particularly inspired lately, so here you go.
Dear neighbour. I have no idea who you are, but I would be very grateful if you could not steal my washing appointments in future. I wrote my name on the reservation list… you did not. Yet it’s my laundry that remains unwashed. Not cool!
Dear organic waste bin. Why can’t you sort yourself out? You’re so smelly and horrible and I just don’t wanna!
Dear sleep. I don’t know what you’ve had against me this week, but I would really appreciate if you could not wait until I’ve been in bed for two hours before showing up in future.
Dear magpies. If you’re going to insist on hanging out beside our building could you please refrain from doing so singly? I really don’t want any sorrow thanks very much!
Dear work. Thank you for letting me translate a fun text this week. Wine is so much nicer than technical manuals or lists of dental equipment!
Dear self. Remember, patience is a virtue. And don’t forget to enjoy life while you’re waiting.
Dear boyfriend. Whichever way the decision you are awaiting goes I am proud of you. ❤
Dear real-life friends (some of whom may even see this). Sorry I am so useless at keeping in touch. I need at least another 8 hours in my days!
My boyfriend should be coming over soon. At least I hope he comes over soon – I’m starving! I also wanted to try and get an early night for a change – the meeting last night went on for 3 hours and I’m now ridiculously tired – but as it’s already 10 to 8 and we still have a whole meal to cook I can’t see it happening. Actually, under normal circumstances I wouldn’t even have been home yet so I suppose it really doesn’t matter. The only reason I’m here is because Spanish is cancelled. Teacher’s ill.
So, I’ve signed the contract. My boss was working from home today though so he hasn’t countersigned it yet. He will though, at least I hope he will. Tomorrow. Then as of 1st February I will officially be employed. Oh my! I’ve never had a real job before – just summer jobs and internships. It’s all a bit surreal. Now all I have to do is find a flat, then I might – just maybe – start feeling like a proper grown up. Errm, maybe not.
OK, I’m fed up of waiting now. Time to call Jan and tell him to come home because I’m wasting away (those last three words have to be said in the acent from the Supernoodle advert of course. Come on people, you know you know what I’m talking about. Mmmm, Supernoodles! Why can’t you get those in Germany?)
(OK, there was no need to call Jan. He just arrived. There’s timing for ya! Wooo!