That time of week again…

It seems it’s Wednesday again. I’m not sure how mind – wasn’t it only just last Wednesday? Like right before I blinked my eyes? Hmm, well it seems the world is continuing to spin on its axis even if my brain can’t keep up and it is, indeed, Wednesday again. And that can only mean one thing… Question time!
Here we go.

1. Would I die if I boiled washing up liquid?
Yes, definitely. A horrible, painful death brought on by the poisonous fumes of evaporated washing up liquid. Either that or you’d be murdered by the next person to use the kettle. It’s just not worth it.

2. What is the name of my future boyfriend?
Ezekial Alexander Timothy Simmons. Whatever you do don’t call him Eats, or he may not be your future boyfriend after all…

3. Things to write about when bored.
– Purple monkeys
– Chocolate cake
– Spaghetti monsters
– The inhabitants of an imaginary island
– A haunted suitcase

4. How to get rid of a nervous headache.
Aww, the poor thing’s so nervous it had to hide inside your head. Try reading aloud to it from “The Little Book of Confidence”.

5. What to do if you miss the tram.
I suggest you panic. It’s what any sensible person would do. Alternatively you could learn to fly. Or just wait for the next one.

6. What to do when you’re bored of paper.
Go retro and start using a slate instead. They’re about due for a comeback anyway.

7. Is 25 still young enough to be naive?
I certainly hope not, cos if it is I’m screwed.
No, wait, not true. I’m not naive. At least I don’t think I am… am I?
I have to go and listen to the Kooks now – Naive is now playing inside my head and it sounds sooo much better when they do it!


Coconut & Vanilla

If someone were to describe an item to you using the words “coconut and vanilla” what would you think they were talking about?
My first thought would be milkshake. Shower gel might crop up at a push, because who wouldn’t want to go around smelling like an explosion in a sweet shop (Nothing against vanilla – I have vanilla perfume. Combining it with coconut is taking things a bit too far though).

One thing I would never have expected to be presented with is coconut and vanilla washing up liquid. And yet we have a bottle in my kitchen.
Am I the only one who’s disturbed by this?

I love the taste of washing up liquid in the morning

At 20 past 6 this morning I hit snooze on the alarm clock so I could have another 5 minutes in bed before going for my shower. The next thing I knew I was opening my eyes thinking “wow, it got light quick.” It was 20 past 7. And I have to leave the house between 7:35 and 7:40 to catch my tram on time. Obviously there was no time for a shower. I’m quite proud of how quick I managed to get ready though – I managed to get washed and dressed, eat a bowl of cereal, brush my teeth and get out of the house by 7:37am. Not bad.

Since I hadn’t managed had time for one in my mad rush to get ready, once I got to work I decided to make myself a nice cup of tea. Unfortunately the cup (which I got from the shelf, not the draining rack!) apparantly hadn’t been rinsed out properly. I took a massive gulp of the liquid inside and almost choked. Instead of nice soothing ceylon tea my mouth seemed to be full of hot washing liquid. Yuk!
It’s a good job my day got better after that or I’d be curled up on the floor howling my eyes out by now…

Why I’d make a crap housewife

I’m tired, again. I really, really want to go to sleep, but I can’t. In 45 minutes I have to go eat with my floor. They have a thing lately about eating together once a week. Two or three people do the cooking and the rest of us turn up when it’s ready and enjoy. It’s quite a nice idea actually.

I also have to go down into the cellar and fetch the washing that I left down there to dry. There’s a room down there with a bunch of those metal things that my mam always called clothes horses and my dad calls airers. Before coming to Germany I never realised cellars had actual rooms in them. I always pictured one big room that covered the whole area of the house above it, kind of like a loft but without the slopey roof and random bits of wood (beams I belive their called) lying in wait for unsuspecting victims to bang their heads on. So I was quite surprised when Jan first took me to his parents house and I found out their cellar is divided into about 6 different rooms. And not all of them are used for storing potatoes and wine either, which is what I’d always assumed cellars were for. So there you go. Anyway, I digress…
So, as I was saying… I need to go and collect my washing from downstairs. Once I’ve fetched it I need to replace the incredibly dirty bedding that’s on my bed with the nice clean stuff that I washed the other day. I meant to change the bedding at the weekend, but then I realised the one other quilt cover that I actually have in this country was in the laundry basket waiting to be washed, so that was a bit crap.

Stuff like that is typical of me. That’s one of the reasons I would make a crap housewife.
Here are some more reasons:

* I cannot iron to save my life. This is despite my dad, who was in the army, teaching me how then forcing me to iron my school blouses every week for 4 years. When I try to iron the clothes end up more creased than when I started. You’d think that would be impossible. Not with me it isn’t. I’m also scared of the iron, which doesn’t help. I’m afraid I’m going to burn my fingers or set the clothes on fire or something. Weird I know, but I just can’t help it.

* I’m also crap at shopping. Not clothes shopping – I can do that. I can also do shopping for books pretty well. No, it’s food shopping I suck at. Whenever I go shopping I will always forget half the things I need. Usually I will come back with a load of stuff I don’t need instead. Now you’re probably thinking the solution would be to write a list. Nope, doesn’t work. I’ve tried it. 99.99% of the time I leave the list at home.

* I hate washing up with a passion. Partly it’s because I’m allergic to most washing up liquids and I don’t particularly like coming out in a rash, but even with a brand of washing up liquid that I can use I don’t like it. It’s the way all the little bits come off the dishes and end up floating around in the water, then when they brush up against your fingers they feel all soggy and disgusting. Plus your hands end up all wrinkly and smell funny. I don’t like washing up with rubber gloves either. The feel of rubber gloves is worse than the soggy floaters.

* I’m far, far too lazy to make a good housewife. I’ll put things down somewhere, meaning to put them away later, then I’ll put more things down on top of the original things and a week later I’ll look at the pile of stuff and think “I should really put that away, but I sooo can’t be bothered.”

See? Crap! The only housewifely (housewifeish?) thing I can do is cook. I’m pretty good at cooking. Last night I made chicken and chick pea curry for tea. It was only the third time in my life I’d made curry and I wasn’t even using a recipe, but it came out pretty well – despite the fact that my floor has the worst selection of spices ever!! So I’ve got the cooking thing down. As for the rest… I guess I’ll just have to marry a man that likes to iron and doesn’t mind washing dishes…